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No. CCXlIv. 

FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAMA. 



WILD OATS, 



A COMEDY, IN FIVE ACTS, 



BY JOHN O'KEEFFE. 



WITH CAST OF CHARACTERS, STAGE BUSINESS, COSTUMES, 
RELATIVE POSITIONS, ETC., ETC. 



AS PERFORMED AT THE PRINCIPAL THEATRES. 



NEW YORK: 

SAMUEL FRENCH, PUBLISHER, 

122 Nassau Street. (Up Stairs.) 
PRICE,] \yi\ CENTS. 



Mo»»08rmpfc 



FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAM^ 

Price 13 Cents each..— Bound Volumes $1. 



VOL. I. 
lion 

2 Fazio 

3 The Lady of Lyons 

4 Richelieu 

5 The Wife 

6 The Honeymoon 

7 The School for Scandal 

8 Money 

VOL. n. 

9 The Stranger 

10 Grandfather Whitehead 

11 Richard III 

12 Love's Sacrifice 

13 The Gamester 

14 A Cure for the Heartache 

15 The Hunchback 

16 Don Csesar de Bazan 

VOL. III. 

17 The Poor Gentleman 

18 Hamlet 

19 Charles II 

20 Venice Preaeryed 

21 Pizarro 

22 The LovB Chase 

23 Othello 

24 Lend me Five ShiUings 

VOL. IV. 

25 Virginius 

26 King of the Commons 

27 London Assurance 

28 f he Rent Day 

29 T wo Gentlemen of Verona 

30 The Jealous Wife 

31 The Rivals 

32 Perfection 

VOL. V. [Debts 

33 A New Way to Pay Old 

34 Look Before You Leap 

35 King John 

36 Nervous Man 

37 Damon aud Pythias 
33 Clandestine iMarriage 

39 William Tell 

40 Day after the Wedding 

VOL. VI. 

41 Speed the Plough 

42 Romeo and Juliet 

43 Feudal Times 

44 Charles the Twelfth 

45 The Bridal 

46 The Follies of a Night 

47 Iron Chest [ Fair Lady 

48 Faint Heart Never Won 

VOL. VII. 

49 Road to Ruin 

50 Macbeth 

51 Temper 

52 Evadne 

53 Bertram 

54 The Duenna 

55 Much Ado About Nothing 

56 The Critic 

VOL. VIII. 

57 The Apostate 

58 Twelfth Night 

59 Brutus 

60 Simpson & Co 

61 Merchant of Venice 

62 Old Heads* Young Hearts 

63 Mountaineers [riage 

64 Three Weeks after Mar- 

VOL. IX. 

65 Love 

66 As You Like It 

67 The Elder Brother 

68 ■W^einjr 

69 Gisippus 

70 Town and Country 

71 King Lear 

72 Blue Devils 

VOL. X. 

73 Henry VIII 

74 Married and Single 
75Henrv IV 

76 Paul Pry 

77 Guy Mannering 

78 Sweethearts and Wives 

79 Serious Family 

80 She Stoops to Conquer 



VOL. XI. 

81 Julius Caesar 

82 Vicar of Wakefield 

83 Leap Year 

84 TheCatspaw 

85 Tho Passing Cloud 

86 Drunkard 

87 Rob Roy 

88 George Barnwell 

VOL. XII. 

89 Ingomar 

90 Sketches in India 

91 Two Friends 

92 Jane Shore 

93 Corsican Brothers 

94 Mind your own Business 

95 Writing on the Wall 

96 Heir at Law 

VOL. XIII. 

97 Soldiers Daughter 

98 Douglas 

99 Marco Spada 

100 Nature's Nobleman 

101 Sardanapalua 

102 Civilization 

103 The Robbers 

104 Katharine and Petruchio 

VOL. XIV. 

105 Game of Love 

106 Midsummer Night's 

107 Ernestine [Dream 
103 Riig Picker of Paris 

109 Flying Dutchman 

110 Hypocrite 

111 Therese 

112 La Tour de Neslu 

VOL. XV. 

113 Ireland As It Is 

114 Sea of Ice 

115 Seven Clerks 

116 Game of Life 

117 Forty Thieves 

118 Bryan Boroihme 

119 Romance and Reality 

120 UgoUno 

VOL. XVI. 

121 The Tempest 

122 The Pilot 

123 Carpenter of Rouen 

124 King' s Rival 

125 Little Treasure 
1'26 Dombey and Son 

127 Parents and Guardians 

128 Jewess 

VOL. XVII 

129 Camille 

130 Married Life 

131 Wenlock of Wenlock 

132 Rose of Ettrickvale 

133 David Copperfield 

134 Aline, or the Rose of 

135 Pauline [Killarney 

136 Jane Eyre 

VOL. XVIIL 

137 Night aud Morning 
138^thiop 

139 Three Guardsmen 

140 Tom Cringle 

141 Henriette, the Forsaken 

142 Eustache Baudin 

143 Ernest Maltrarers 

144 Bold Dragoons 

VOL. XIX. 

145 Dred, or the Dismal 

[Swamp 

146 Last Days of Pompeii 

147 Esmeralda 

148 Peter Wilkins 

149 Ben the Boatswain 

150 Jonathan Bradford 

151 Retribution 

152 Mineral! 

VOL. XX. 

153 French Spy 

1,)4 Mept of Wish-ton Wish 

155 Evil Genius 

156 Ben Bolt 

157 Sailor of France 

158 Red Mask 

159 Life of an Actress 

160 Wedding Day 



VOL. XXI. 

161 All's Fair in Love 

162 Hofer 

163 Self 

164 Cinderella 

165 Phantom 

166 Franklin [Moscow 

167 The Gunmaker of 

168 The Love of a Prince 

VOL. XXII. i 

169 Son of the Night 
nORory O'More 
171 Golden Eagle 
l72Rieuzi 

173 Broken Sword 

174 Rip Van Winkle 

175 Isabclle 

176 Heart of Mid Lothian 

VOL. xxrii. 

177 Actress of Padua 

178 Floating Beacon 

179 Bride of Lamermoor 

180 Cataract of the Ganges 
131. Robber of the Rhine 

182 School of Reform 

183 V.'andering Boys 

184 Mazeppa 

VOL. XXIV. 
18.5 Young New York 

186 The Victirai 

187 Romance after Marriage 

188 Brigand 

189 Poor of New York 

190 Ambrose Gwinett 

191 Raymond and Agnes 

192 Gamblers Fate 

VOL. XXV. 

193 Father and Son 

194 Massauiello 

195 Sixteen String Jack 

196 Youthful Queen 

197 Skeleton AVitness 
193 Innkeeper of Abbeville 

199 Miller and his Men 

200 Aladdin 

VOL. XXVI. 

201 Adrienne the Actress 

202 Undine 

203 Jessie Brown 

204 Asmodeus 

205 Mormons 

206 Blanche of Brandy-wine 

207 Viola 

208 Deseret Deserted 

VOL. X.^VII. 

209 Americans in Paris 

210 Victorine 

211 Mizard of the Wave 

212 Castle Spectre 

213 Horse-shoe Robinson 
2l4Armand, Mrs Mowatt 

215 Fashion, Mrs Mowatt 

216 Glance at New York 

VOL. XXVIII. 

217 Inconstant 

218 Uncle Tom's Cabin 

219 Guide to the Stage 

220 Veteran 

221 Miller of New Jersey 

222 Dark Hour before Dawn 

223 Midsum'rNight's Dream 
[Laura Keene's Edition 

-•24 Art and Artifice 
VOL. XXIX 

225 Poor Young Man 

226 Ossawa'tomie Brown 

227 Pope of Rome 

228 Oliver Twist 
-29 Pauvrette 

230 Man in the Iron Mask 

231 Kni?ht of Arva 

232 Moll Pitcher 

VOL. XXX. 

233 Black Eyed Susan 
'1?A Satan in Paris 
:35 Rosina Meadows [ess 

236 West End, or Irish Heir- 

237 Six Degrees of Crime 

238 The Laly aud the Devil 
139 Avenger.or.Moorof Mci|3l9 
240 Masks and Faces lly|320 



VOL. XXXI. L 
Merry Wive.« of Wil 
Mary's Birthday ' 
Shandy Maguire ' 
Wild Oats I 

Michael Erie j 

Idiot Witness 
Willow Copse I 
People's Lawyer ■! 

VOL. XXXII. 
The Boy Martyrs 
Lucretia Borgia 
Surgeon of Paris 
Patrician's Daught 
Shoemaker of Toul 
Momentous Questi 
Love and Lovaltv 
Robber's Wife 

VOL. XX.\III. 
Dumb Girl of Gem 
Wreck Ashore 
Clari 

Rural Felicity 
Wallace 
Madelaine 
The Fireman 
Grist to the Mill 

VOL. X.XXIV. 
Two Loves and a L 
Annie Blake 
Steward 
Cap'aiu Kyd 
Nick of the Woods 
Marble Heart 
Second Love 
Dream at Sea 

VOL. XXXV. 
Breach of Promise 
Review 

Lady of the Lake 
Still Water Runs D 
The Scholar 
Helping Hands 
Faust and Margueri 
Last Man 

VOL. XXXVI. 
Belle's Strata)i;em 
Old and Young 
Rafi'aella 
Ruth Oakley 
Hritish Slave 
A Life's Ransom 
Giralda 
Time Tries All 

VOL. XXXVII. 
Ella Rosenburg 
Warlock of the GU 
Zelina 
Beatrice 

Neighbor Jackwoot 
Wonder 
Robert Emmet 
Green Bushes 

VOL. XXXVIII. 
Flowers of the Foi 
A Bachelor of Arts 
The Midnight Bauq 
Husband of an Ho 
Love's Labor Lost 
Naiad Queen 
Caprice 
Cradle of Liberty 

VOL. XXXIX. 
The Lost Ship 
Country Squire 
Fraud and its Vlcti 
Putnam 

King and Deserter 
La Fiammina 
A Hard Struggle 
Gwinnette Vaughan 

VOL. XL. 
The Love Knot | J 
Lavater, or Not a 
The Noble Heart 
Corlolanus 
The Winter's Tale 
Eveleen Wilson 
Ivauhoe 
Jonathan In Knglai 



(Catalogue continued on third page of cover.) 



WILD OATS: 

OR, THE 

STROLLING GENTLEMAN 

IN FIVE ACTS. 



BY JOHN O'KEEFFE. 



"VHTH EDITOEIAL BEMARKS. 



SCENE AXB PROPEfiilf PLOTS, COSTUMES, 

And all the Stag© Btwinesa. 



NEW YORK: 
BAMUEL FRE^OH, 

122 Nassad Street, (Up Stairs,) 



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WILD OATS 



SCENERY, 

ACT OKE. 

Scene 1 — 2d. plain. 2 o. 

Scene 2. — Landscape. 2 g. 

Guidepost, •* 10 Miles to Winchester " on flat, b. h. 

ACT TWO. 

Scene 1. — Village. 5 o. 

Small set cottage, 3 E. R. h., door practical, b'k'd with interior. 
White palings around cottage on R. H., with gate practical. Set 
Farm House 3 e. l., door used b'k'd by interior. 

Scene 2. — Cottage flats. 1 o. 

D. r. used, b'k'd by interior. Sign over the door, " Rising San.** 

Scene 3. — Panel chamber. 2 g. 

ACT THREE. 

Scene 1. — Handsome mirror chamber. 3 Q. 
5o2NE 2. — Panel chamber. 2 G. 

ACT FOUR. 

Scene 1. — Handsome mirror chamber. 3 O. 
Scene 2. — Kitchen. 2 o. 

ACT FTVB. 

Scene 1. — Landscape. 1 o. 
Scene 2. — Kitchen. 2 g. 
Scene 3. — Plain window. 3 o. 



WILD OATS. 



PROPERTIES. 

ScENB 1. — Green cloth down. 

Table covered, and two chairs on c. Tobacco box, and raisins, 
and stick, for John Dory. Cane for Sir George. Clear stage. 
Scene 2. — Play book for Rover. 

ACT TWO. 

Scene 1. — Guinea and pamphlet for Gammon. Batan for 
Twitch, and warrant. Small p. book, and note for Lady A. Purse 
containing nineteen gold pieces, for Rover. Dredging box of flour 
and a piece of red binding in house, 3 e. l., for Jane. 

Scene 2. — Three apples for Sim. Leger and pen for Bob. 

Scene 3. — Plain table in c, on it bottle of wine and three wine 
glasses. Two plain chairs on. Very small bundle on stage. B. h. 

ACT THREE. 

Scene 1. — Table with handsome cloth on L. h. Two handsome 
chairs on L. H. Handsome sofa on B. H. Two handsome chairs 
on R. H. Salver with three wine glasses of wine, and a plate of 
cakes ready, 1 E. L. H., for Jane. 

Scene 2. — Table covered and two plain chairs on. 

ACT POUR. ■ ^r ; ^ro-j y.:r/J 
Scene 1. — Handsome sofa on r. h. Table with handsome cloth 

on L. H. Two handsome chairs on l. h. Book with written paper 

in it for Lady A. Violin and sheet of music paper for Lamp. 

Book and parts for Jane and servants. Helmet, breastplate, sword, 

and book for Sim. 
Scene 2. — Mem. book and pencil for Sim, and small leathern 

purse. 

ACT FIVE. 
Scene 1. — Brace of small pistols for Rover. Two loaded pistols, 
sure fire, 1 E. L. H. Sticks for ruffians. 

Scene 2. — Plain table centre. One rustic chair R. of table. Bot- 
tle of Canary wine, and one wine glass, 2 E. R., for Amelia. 

Scene 3. — Toilet table with glass and two candles on l. h. Two 
chairs on L. H. Table covered and two chairs on R. Stick, and 
long rope with a slipnoose, to bind Rover. 
1* 



-WliLO eA.x». 



COSTUME. 



Sir George — Blue naval coat ; -wliite vest and breeches ^ cocked 
hat ; shoes and bi>okles. 

Rover -^ First Dress — Green coat; buff vest; white breeches,; 
top boots ; hat. Second Dress (5d act) —brown dress coat; white 
vest and satin breeches ; black shoes and diamond buckles ; opera 
hat. Third Dress (5th act)."*«ainie as first dress. 

^an/U^^Y^lvet^oit} darkstoclungs; shoes aatl buckles ^ dark 
hat. 

Scurry l%uizder -** First Dress — Blue coat, vest, and breeches ; 
top boots ; hat. Second Dress (3d act) »— dress coat ; satin vest and 
breeches ; black shoes and buckles ; opera hat. Third Dress (oth 
act) — same as first dress, 

John Dory — Blue pea jacket, petticoat trousers, and red vest ; 
shoes and buckles ; sailor's hat. 

Ephraim Smooth — Drab Qaiaker^s suit ; Quaker hat. 
; Sim — Gray coat ; red vest ; leath^ breeches ; shoes and backus ; 
small hat. 

Farmer Gammon— Drab colored coat «nd breeches; red vest; 
shoes and buckles ; dark hat. 

Lamp — Black coat, buttoned np (seedy); black tights f black 
shoes and hat. 

Trap — Dark coat ; white tights; viest ; dark gaiters ; black shoes 
And hat. 

Twitch — Yelveteea shooting' coat; vest; buff breeches ; to^ 
boots. 

jRi{j^n^— -Pea jfckets; petticoat trousers; shoes and sailors* 
hats. . 

Servants — Red vests; breeches; coats and shoes. 

Lady Amaranth — Gray sarsenet gown; white satin petticoat; 
muslin apron and handkerchief; muslin cap. 

./Ime/ta^— Black sarsenet dress; muslin cap. 

Jane— Colored gown; stuff petticoat; white a|iron and h*nd* 
_ kerchief; cap; straw hat. 

Maid Servants — Colored gowns ; caps ; daik shoes. . ' , 



haa 



REMARKS. 



The comedy of Wild Oats was first produced at Covent Garden, London, in 
1794. The author, Mr. John O'Keeffe, was born in Dublin in 1746, and at an 
early age evinced a talent for dramatic authorship. At fifteen, he wrote a 
comedy of five acts, which, though wild, and in many instances puerile, he 
conducted to the denouement with ingenuity. He shortly after resolved to try 
his talents as an actor, and was so successful as to be engaged by Mr. Mossop 
for three years for the Dublin Theatre. He played in that city and the most 
respectable towns, to which they made summer excursions, nearly twelve years. 
He then left Dublin for London, and, on his arrival in that city applied for an 
engagement, but was unsuccessful. After his rejection as an actor, be devoted 
himself entirely to dramatic composition, and wi'ote in all forty-nine pieces, 
most of which were successful, and many now keep possession of the stage. 
Wild Oats is perhaps the very best of his dramatic progeny, and has now lived 
upwards of sixty years with undiminished popularity; it is a strange jumble 
of dramatic beauties and defects. The incidents are improbable, and the fable 
absurd; yet it abounds with whim, humor, and situations that afford high 
gratificixtion, although every rule of criticism seems to have been set at nought 
by the author. It would be unfair to criticize it by any prescribed dramatic 
laws, as it is of such a nature as to set all criticism at defiance. O'Keeffe wrote 
it to amuse, and he fully succeeded, as it never fails to please whenever it is 
acted. In the present edition a slight liberty has been taken with the text, 
by transposing the first scene of the fifth act to the second scene of the fourth, 
thereby rendering the piece more efifective in representation, and by no means 
detracting from its literary merit. It is usually played in this manner, and 
was so produced at the Boston Theatre the past season, with approbation. We 
have not space to enter into details, but must award praise to Messrs. Gilbert, 
Daly, Fiske, and Mrs. Hudson Kirby, for the efficient manner in which they 
represented the respective parts of Sir George, John Dory, Sim, and Lady 
Amaranth. The Rover of Mr. Pauncefort was a creditable performance, but 
will hardly satisfy those who have seen the elder Wallack, J. S. Browne, or 
J. E. Murdoch's assumption of the lively, rolicking, and noble-hearted strolling 
player, 

(V) 



WILD OATS. 



ACT I. 

ScBNE I. — A Parlor in Lady Amaranth's House, — Tabk 
covered, and two Chairs on. 

Enter John Doky, 1 e., l. h. -n 

John. Fine cruising this! without flip or biscuit ; don't 
kno-w who's the governor of this here fort ; but if he can 
victual us a few — {Sits e. of table.) — how. hollow my bread 
room sounds ! {Striking his sides.) I'm as empty as a stoved 
keg, and as tired as an old Dutchman— ^ my obstinate master, 
Sir George, to tow my old hulk — aboard the house, ha, hoy ! 
{Calls.) 

Sir Geo. {Without, L. H.) John ! John Dory ! 

John* I'm at anchor. 

Enter Sib George Thunder, l. h., 1 e. 

Sir Geo. I don't know whose house we've got into here, 
John ; but I think when he knows {Sits on l.) me, we may 
hope for some refreshment — En ! {Looking at John.) was not I 
your captain ? 

John. Yes ; and I was your boatswain. And what of all 
that? 

Sir Geo. Then how dare you sit in my presence, you bluff 
head ? 

John. "Why, for the matter of that, I don't mind ; but had 
I been your captain, and you my boatswain, the man that 

(9) 



10 -WILD OATS. 

Stood by me at sea, should be welcome to sit before me at 
land. 

Sir Geo. That's true, my dear John ; ( JbAw attempts to rise.) 
offer to stand up, and danune if I don't knock you down — 
zoxmds ! I am as dry as a powder match — (^John rises.) — to 
sail at the rate of ten knots an hour, over fallow and stubble, 
from my own hou^e, but half a league on this side of Gosport, 
and not catch these deserters ! 

John. In this here chase you wanted the ballast of wisdom. 

Sir Geo. How, sirrah ? hasn't my dear old friend, Dick 
Broadside, got the command of the ship I so often fought my- 
self — to man it for him With e^fp^dition, didn't I, out of my 
own pocket, offer two guineas over the king's bounty to every 
seaman that would erif et dU board her ? Haven't these^ ffeee 
scoundrels fingered the shot, then i^an, arid didn't I do right to 
run after them? Pamn the money! I no more mind that 
than a piece of clinker ; but 'twas the pride of my heart to see 
my beloved ship, the Eagle, weir manned, when my oM friend 
ris the commander. ^ 

; Joh7i. But since you'V6 lai5 ^tSfelf up iH Ord&i«j?V ff- 
tired to live in quiet on ytiuT (Ji??*? edtStl^, dM had d'otie -Vn^ 
all sea affairs — 

Sir Geo. John, John, a mail shoulcJ fofget hiis owii con- 
venience for his country's good. Though Broadside^s letter 
said these fellows were lurking about this pai't 6f Hainpsftire, 
yet still it's all hide and seek. 

John. Your ill luck. 

Sir Geo. Mine, you swab ? 

John. Ay, you've money aAd gbld j but gi^ce a!rid good 
fortime have shook hands with yoU these niiietfeeh yeal«, for 
that rogue's trick you played poor Miss Amelia, by deceiving 
her with a sham marriage when you passed yourself for Cap- 
tain Seymour, and then putting off to sea, leaving her to break 
.Jier poor heart, and since marrying another lady. 

Sir Gm. Wasn't I forced to it by liiy father'?' — - 
, John. Ay ; because she had a great fortin ; her dea^ too 
\ was a judgment upon you. 

Sir Geo. "Why, you impudent dogfish ! upbfdd liie rurlnikg 



WILD OATS. 11 

into false bay, when you were my pilot ? Wasn't it you even 
brought me the false clergyman that performed the sham mar- 
riage with Amelia ? , . . ,, 

John. (Aside.) Yes, you thought so ; but 1 toot cjire to 
bring you a real clergyman. 

Sir Geo. But is this a time or place for your lectures ? At 
home, abroad, sea, or land, you will still badger me ! Mention 
my wild oats again, and — you scoundrel, since the night my 
bed curtains took fire, when you were my. boatswain aboard 
the Eagle, you've got me quite into leading strings — you 
snatched me upon deck, and tossed me into the sea — to save 
me from being burnt I was almost drowned. 

John. You would but for me — 

Sir Geo. Yes, you dragged me out by the ear lite a water 
dog — and 'cause applauded for that, ever since, you're so 
curst careful of me, that only Hffcing my leg to step alx>ard a 
boat, you whipped me up, and chucked me into it — last week, 
'cause you found the tenth bottle uncorked, you rushed in 
among my friends, and ran away with me ; and next morning 
Captain O'Shanaghan sends me a challenge for quitting the 
company when he was in the chair ; so to save me from a head- 
ache, you'd like to've got my hrains blown outt 

Joh7i. O, very well ! be burnt in your bed,' and tuinbte in 
the water, by jumping into boats, like a tight fellow as you are, 
and poison yourself with sloe juice ; see if John cares a piece 
of mouldy biscuit about it. But I wisH you hadn't made me 
your valet- de-shamber. No sooner was I got on shore, after 
five years dashing among rocks, shoals, and breakers, than you 
set me on a high trotting cart horse, which knocked me up and 
down like an old bum-boat in the Bay of Biscay, and here's 
nothing to drink after all ! Because at home you keep open 
house, you think every body else does the same. 
. Sir Geo. Why, by sailing into this strange port, we may be 
more free than welcome. 

John. Holloa ! I'U never cease piping tUl it calls up a 
drop to wet my whistle. . l^xii, k. 

Sir Geo. Yes, as John Dory remarks, I fear i^y trip through 
life will be attended with heavy squalls and foul weather. 



12 WILD OATS. 

When my conduct to poor Amelia comes athwart my mind, 
it's a hurricane for that day, and turn in at night, the ballad 
of «' Margaret and William " rings in my ear : (^Sin^s.) " In ghded 
Margaret's grimly ghost : " O, zounds ! the dismals are coming 
upon me, and can't get a cheering glass to — holloa ! 

Enter Ephbaim Smooth, b. h., 1 e. 

Eph, Friend, what wouldst thou have ? 

Sir Geo, Grog. 

Eph. Neither man nor woman of that name abideth here. 

Sir Geo. Ha, ha, ha ! man and woman ! then if you'll bring 
me Mr. Brandy and Mrs. Water, we'll couple them, and the 
first child probably will be Master Grog. 

Eph. Thou dost speak in parables, which I understand not. 
\ Sir Geo. Sheer off with yoiir sanctified poop, and send the 
gentleman of the house. 

Eph. The owner of this mansion is a maiden, and she ap- 
proacheth. 

Efiter Lady Amabanth, b. h., 1 e. 

Lady Am. Friend Ephraim Smooth, didst thou — (^TumSf 
tees Sir George.) — do I behold ? It is ! how dost thou, 
uncle ? 

Sir Geo. Is it possible you can be my niece, Lady Maria 
Amaranth Thunder ? 

Lady Am. I am the daughter of thy deceased brother Loftus, 
called Earl Thunder, but no Lady ; my name is Mary. 

Sir Geo. But, zounds ! how is all this ? Eh ! unexpectedly 
find you in a strange house, of which old Sly here tells me 
you're mistress, turned Quaker, and disjclaim your title ! 

Lady Am. Thou know'st the relation to whose care my 
father left me? 

Sir Geo. Well ! I know our cousin, old Dovehouse, was a 
Quaker ! but I didn't suspect he had made you one. 

Lady Am. Being now gathered to his fathers, he did be- 
queath unto me his worldly goods ; amongst them, this man- 
sion and the lands around it. 

Eph. So thou becomest and continue one of the fiuthfol. 



WILD OATS. 13 

I am executor of his will, and by it, I cannot give thee, Mary, 
possession of these goods but on those conditions. 

Sir Geo. Tell me of your thee's and thou's, Quakers' wills 
and mansions ! I say, girl, though on the death of your father, 
my eldest brother, Loftus, Earl Thunder, from yoiir being a 
female, his title devolved to his next brother, Robert ; though 
as a woman you can't be an earl, nor as a woman you can't 
make laws for your sex and our sex, yet, as the daughter of a 
peer, you are, and, by heaven, shall be called Lady Maria Am- 
aranth Thunder. (^Crosses to k. h.) 

Eph. Thou makest too much noise, friend. 

Sir Geo. Call me friend, and I'U bump your block against 
the capstem. 

Eph. Yea, this is a man of danger, and I will leave Mary 
to abide it. 

Sir Geo. 'Sfire, my lady — 

Lady Am, Title is vanity. 

Eph. Shall thy cook, this day, roast certain birds of the 
air, called woodcocks, and ribs of the oxen likewise ? 

Lady Am. All. My uncle sojourneth with me, peradven- 
ture, and my meal shall be a feast, friend Zachariah. 

Eph. My tongue shall say so, friend Mary. 

Sir Geo. (^Strikes him.) Sir George Thunder bids thee re- 
member to call your mistress Lady Amaranth. 

Eph. Verily, George. 

Sir Geo. George ! sirrah, though a younger brother, the 
honor of knighthood was my reward for placing the glorious 
British flag over that of a daring enemy — therefore address 
me with respect. 

Eph. Yea, I do, good George. Exity I e. b. 

Sir Geo. George and Mary ! here's levelling, here's abo- 
lition of title with a vengeance ! Zounds ! in this house, they 
think no more of an English knight than a French duke. 

Lady Am. (L. h.) Kinsman, be patient ; thou and thy son, 
my cousin Henry, whom I have not beheld, I think, these 
twelve years, shall be welcome to my dwelling. Where now 
abideth the youth ? 
2 



14 



WILD OATS. 



^tir Geo. (R. H.) At the Naval Academy, at Portsmouth. 

Lady Am. May I not see the young man ? 

Sir Geo. "What, to make a Qviaker of him ? No, no. But, 
'fioid, as she's now a wealthy heiress, her marrying my son 
Harry mil keep up and preserve her title in our own family 
too. (^ Aside.) — "Wouldst thou really be glad to see him? thou 
shalt, Mary. Ha, ha, hat ! John Dory ! {Calling.) Here comes 
my Valet- de-chambre. 

Etiter John Dory, 2 e., r. h. 

John. (R. H.) Why, sir — stich & breeze sprung up ! 

Sir Geo. (c.) Avast, old man of war ; you must instantly 
convoy my son from Portsmouth. 

John. Then I must first convoy Mm to Portsmouth, for he 
happens to be out of dock already. 

Sir Geo, "What wind now ? 

John. You know, on our quitting harbor — 

^r Geo. Damn your sea; jaw, you marvellous dolphin ; giye 
the contents of your log book in plain English. 

John. The young 'squire has cut and run. 

Sir Geo. What ! 

John. Got leave to come to you ; and master didn't find 
crut bef6re yesterday that, instead of making for home, he 
had sheered off towards London, directly sent notice to you ; 
and Sam has traced us all the way here, to bring you the 
news. 

Sir Geo. What, a boy of mine quit his guns ? Til grapple 
Kin. Come, John. {Crosses to i.. n.) 

Lady Am. (r. h.) Order the carriage for mine uncle. 

Sir Geo. No, thank ye, my lady. Let your equipage keep 
up your own dignity. I've horses here ; but I won't knock 
*em up ; next village is the channel for the stage. My lady, 
I'll bring the dog to you by the bowsprit. Weigh anchor ! 
01*0 wd saiil ! and after him ! Exeunt, l. h., 1 e. 

Enter Ephraim, {Peeping in.) R. h., 1 e. 
Eph. The man of noise doth not tarry ; then my spirit is glad 



WILD oats; :S9 

Lady Am. Let Sarah prepare chambers for my kinsman, 
and hire the maiden for me that thou didst mention. 

Eph. I -will ; for this datnsel is jassilig fair, and hath found 
^aeein mine eyes. {Aside,} — Mary^ as thoU art yet a stranger 
in this land, and just taken possession of this estate, the laws 
of society command thee to be on teraas of amity with thy 
wejdthy neighbors. 

Lady Am. Yea ; but while I entertain the rich, the hearts 
of the poor shall also rejoice ; I myself will now go forth into 
the Adjacent hamlet, and invitfe all that eometh to hfearty cheer. 

(Crosse* ^o R. H.) ., 

Mph^ Yea^ I will distribute among the poor good books.- loj 

Lady Am* And meat and drink too, friend Ephraim. Li 
the fulness of plenty, they shall join iti thanksgiving for those 
gifts of which I am so unworthy. ExexmU b. h., 1 e. 

SCJENB S'.—^ JRoad^ 2 a. — Guide Post o»y^^,.a., "ifi'Mt^ 
to Winchester.'* 

Enter "S^L-Riiii: Thunder, i.H.,' 2 e. 

.• J?an- Well, if my father but forgives me. This three months* 
excursion has sho^vn me some life, and a devilish deal of fun. 
For one circumstance, I shall ever remember it with delight. 
It's bringing me acquainted with Jack Rover. How long he 
stays. Jack ! In this forlorn stroller I have discovered quali- 
ties that honor human nature, and accomplishments that might 
grace a prince. I don't know a pleasanter fellow, except 
when he gets to his abominable habit of quotation. I hope he 
won't find the purse I've hid in his coat pocket, before we part. 
I dread the moment, but it's come. 

Jtov. ( Without, L. H.) " The brisk li-li-Hghtning I." 
Har. Ay, here's the rattle. Hurried on by the impetuous 
flow of his own volatile spirits, his life is a rapid stream of ex- 
travagant whim, and while the serious voice of humanity 
prompts his heart to the best of actions, his features shine ia 
lau^ and levity. Studying B ayes, eh, Jack ? 



16 WILD OATS. 

Enter Bover, l. h., 2 e. 

Rov. <« I am the bold Thunder." 

Har. (Aside.) I am, if he knew but all. Keep one stand* 
ing in the road — 

Rov. Beg your pardon, my dear Dick; but all the fault 
of — Plague on't, that a man can't sleep and breakfast at an 
inn, then return up to his bedchamber for his gloves that he'd 
forgot, but there he must find chambermaids thumping feathers 
and knocking pillows about, and keep one when one has affairs 
and business ! 'Pon my soul, these girls* conduct to us is in- 
tolerable. The very thought brings the blood into my face, 
and whenever they attempt to serve, provoke me so, — damme 
but I will, I will. An't I right, Dick ? 

Har. No ; <« All in the wrong." 

Rov. No matter, Dick ; that's the universal play " All 
round the wrekin : " but you're so conceited, because by this 
company you're going to join at "Winchester, you are engaged 
for high tragedy. 

Har. And you for Rangers, Plumes, and Foppingtons. 

Rov. Our first play is Lear. I was devilish imperfect in 
Edgar t'other night at Lymington. I must look it over. 
•{Takes out a book.) "Away, the foul fiend follows me!" 
Hollo ! stop a moment, we shall have the whole county after 
us. {^Going^ L. H.) 

Bar. What now ? 

Rov. That rosy-faced chambermaid put me in such a pas- 
sion, that, by heaven, I walked out of the house, and forgot to 
pay our bill. (^Gohig, l. h.) 

Har. Never mind. Rover, it's paid. 

Rov. Paid ! why, neither you nor Midge had money enough. 
No, really ! 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! I tell you 'tis. 

Rov. You paid ? O, very well. Every honest fellow should 
be a stock p-rse. Come, then, let's push on now. Ten miles 
to Winchester ; we shall be there by eleven. 

Har. Our trunks are booked at the inn for the Winchester 
eoach. 



WILD OATS. 17 

Itov. *« Ay, to new climates my old trunk I bear." But I 
prefer walking to the car of Thespis. 

JBar. "Whicli is the way ? 

Mov. Here. {Pointing off, R. h.) 

Har. Then I go there. {Pointing opposite.^ 

Rov. Eh ! 

Har. My dear boy, on this spot, and at this moment) we 
must part. 

Rov. Part ! 

Har. Hover, you wish me well. 

Rov. "Well, and suppose so. Part, eh ! "What mystery and 
grand ? "What are you at ? Do you forget, you. Midge, and 
I, are engaged to Truncheon, the manager, and that the bills 
are already up with our names to-night to play at "Winchester ? 

Har. Jack, you and 1 have often met on a stage in assumed 
characters ; if it's your wish we should ever meet agaia in our 
real ones, of sincere friends, without asking whither I go, or 
my motives for leaving you, when I walk up this road, do you 
turn down that. 

Rov. You joke ! 

Har. I'm serious. Good by I 

Rov. If you repent your engagement with Truncheon, I'U 
break off too, and go with you wherever — {Takes him under 
fhe arm.') 

Har. Attempt to follow me, and even our acquaintance ends^ 

Rov. Eh ! 

Har. Don't think of my reasons, only that it must be. 

Rov. Have I done any thing to offend Dick Buskin ? Leave 
pic ! {Turns and puts his handkerchief to his eyes.) 
' . Har. I am as much concerned as you to — Good by ! 

Rov. I can't even bid him — I won't neither — if any cause 
•ould have given — Farewell. 

Har. Bless my poor fellow ! Adieu. {Silently weeps.) 

Exeunt; Rover, R. h., Har. L. H, 

END OP ACT ONE. 



n 



ACT II. 

Scene L — ^ I'lltaffe, dcmi^ 'F(M &M; tlk^S it;%td 
Batik's Cottage, R. h., 3 e. A Fence round the Cottage, H., with 
a Gate, practical. 

Enter Farmer Gammon, and EpHKAiM,/rom Gammon's 
. ; . House, L. H., 3 E. 

' F.' '(?amr fii. H.5 Well, Master Ephraim, if may depend on 
thee, as you Quakers never break your words. 

Eph. I have spoken to Mary, and she, at my request, con- 
Benteth to take thy daughter Jane as her handmaid. 

jP. Gam. Very good of you. ^ , : , 

Eph, Goodness I do like, and also — comely Jane, {Aside,^ 
— The maiden I will prefer for the sake of — myself. {^Aside.^ 

F. Gam. I intended to make a present to the person who 
did me such a piece of service ; but I shan't aflFront you 
with it. 

Eph. I am meek and humble, and must take ai&onts. 

F. Gam. Then here's a guinea, Master Ephraim. 

Eph. 1 expected not this ; but there's no harm in a guinea. 

Exit, E. H., 1 E. 

F. Gam. So, I shall get my children off my hands. My 
son Sim is robbing me day anid night, — giving away my com 
and what not among the poor. My daughter Jane — when 
girls have nought to do, this love mischief creeps into their 
minds, and then, hey ! they're for kicking up tlieir heels, 
Sim ! Sim ! (Calling.) 

Enter Siu, from the Hoicse, l. h., 3 b. 

Sim. Yes, feyther. 

F. Gam. Call your sister. 

Sim. Jane, feyther wants you. 

(18) 



WILD 0AT3. 19 

ErtlM' SikHStfiWh the J3bt£id, l. h., 3 b., ivifh Limn aiJie had been 
v)orkt7igr. 

Jane. Did you call me ? 

F. Gam. I often told you both, but it's now settled ; you 
must go out into the world and work for your bread. 

Sim. "Well, feyther, whatever you think right must be so, 
and I'm content. 

Jane. And I'm sure, feyther, I'm willing to do as you'd 
have me. 

JP. Gam, Hiere's ihgratitude for you ! When my wife died, 
I brought y6u both up from the shell, iand now you want to fly 
off and forsake me. 

Sim. "Why, no ; I'm willing to ITv^ with yyii all my days. 

Jane. And I'm sure, feytlier, ii il'^s fbxa 5es£fe, I'll never 
part from you. 

F. Gam. What, you want to hang ujpoh fae like a couple 
of leeches, a^, to strip my branches, and leave me a withered 
hawthorn. See who's yon. (J2x«ViSi?w,R. h., 1e.) Jane, Ephfauk 
Smooth has hired you for Lady Amafanth. 

Jane. .0 lack ! Then I shaU. live in the great house. 

F. Gam. Ay, and mayhap come in for her cast clothes. 

Ja7ie. ]6ut she's a Quaker ; and I'm sure, every Sunday for 
church, I dress mucli finer than her ladyshfp. 

F. Gam. She has "sent us all presents of good books. (^Gtvea 
her one.) Tb read a chapter in that, wh'eii one's in a passion, 
gives a inon patiehce. 

Jane. Thank h6r good ladyship. 

F. Gam. My being encumbered witli ydii BotTi ii tKe cau^ 
why old Banks won't giv6 me hiai sister. f 

Jane. That's a pity. If we must have a step-mother. 
Madam Amelia would make us a very good one. ]^ut I woii- 
der how she can refuse you, feyther, for I'm sure she must 
think you a very portly man in your scarlet vest and neW 
Bcratch. You can't think how parsonable you'd look, if ybu'd 
only shave twice a week, and put sixpence in tke poor box. 

(^Retires rea^ng.) 

F. Gam. However, if Baiifes still fefd&efe, I have hiih iii my 



20 WILD OATS. 

power. I'll turn them both, out of their cottage yonder, aad 
the bailiff shall provide them with a lodging. 

Enter IB anks, from his Cottaget r. h., 3 e. 

Well, neighbor Banks, once for all, am I to marry your sister ? 

Banks. That she best knows. 

F, Gam. Ay, but she says she won't. 

Banks. Then I dare say she won't ; for though a woman, I 
never knew her to speak what she didn't think. 

F. Gam. Then she won't have me ? A fine thing this, that 
you and she, who are little better than paupers, dare be so 
damned saucy ! 

Banks. Why, farmer, I confess we're poor ; but while that's 
the worst our enemies can say of us, we're content. {^Retires to 
the gatCt 3 £. B. h.) 

F. Gam. Od, dom it ! I wish I had now a good, fair occa- 
sion to quarrel with him ; I'd make him content, with a devil 
to him ; I'd knock'en down, send him to jail, and — But I'll 
be up with him ! (^Aside.) 

Enter Sim, 1 £., k. h. Crosses to Gammon. 

Sim. O feyther, here's one Mr. Lamp, a ringleader of show- 
folks, come from Andover to act in our village. He wants a 
bam to play in, if you'll hire him yourn. 

F. Gam. Surely, boy. I'll never refuse money. But, lest 
he should engage the great room in the inn, run thou and tell 
him — (^Sim attempts to go.) — Stop, I'll go myself — A short 
cut through that garden — (^Approaches Banks's cottage.^ 

Banks. {Near his cottage.) Why, you, or any neighbor, is 
welcome to walk in it, or to partake of what it produces ; but 
making it a common thoroughfare is — 

F. Gam. Here, Sim, kick open that garden gate. (^Simgets 

to L. H.) 

Banks. What ? 

F. Gam. Does the lad hear ? 

Sim, Why, yes, yes. 

F, Gam. Does the fool understand ? 

Sim. Dang it, I'm as yet but young ; but if understanding 



■WILD OATS. 21 

teaches me how to wrong my neighbor, I hope I may never live 
to years of discretion. 

F. Gam. What, you cur, do you disobey your feyther? 
Burst open the garden gate as I command you. 

Sim. Feyther, he that made both you and the garden com- 
mands me not to injure the unfortunate. 

F. Gam. Here's an ungracious rogue ! Then I must do it 
myself. (^Advances.) 

Banks. {Stands before it.) Hold, neighbor. Small as this 
spot is, it's now my only possession : and the man shall first 
take my life who sets a foot in it against my will. 

F. Gam. I'm in such a passion — {Half aside.') 

Jane. {Comes forward.) Feyther, if you're in a passion, 
read the good book you gave me. {Knocks the book out of her 
hand. Dark.) 

F. Gam. Plague of the wench ! But, you hussy, I'll — and 
you, you imlucky bird ! 

Exeunt Sim and Jane, driven into the House by Gammon, 
I.. H., 3 £. 

A Slower of Rain. Enter Rover, hastily t R. h., 3 e. 

Rov. Zounds ! here's a pelting shower, and no shelter ! 
" Poor Tom's a-cold " — I'm wet through — O, here's a fair 
proming house. {Going to Gammon's House, 3 E., L. H.) 

F. Gam. {Stops him.) Hold, my lad. Can't let folks in till 
I know who they are. There's a public house not above a 
mile on. 

Banks. Step in here, young man ; my lire is small ; but it 
shall cheer you with a hearty welcome. 

Rov. {To Banks.) The poor cottager ! {To Gam.) And the 
substantial farmer! {Kneels.) "Hear, Nature, dear goddess, 
hear ! If ever you designed to make his cornfields fruitful, 
change thy purpose ; that from the blighted ear no grain may 
fall to fat his stubble goose — and when to town he drives his 
hogs, so like himself, O, let him feel the soaking rain ; then he 
may curse his crime too late, and know how sharper than a 
serpent's tooth 'tis." {Rain.) Damme, but I'm spouting ia the 



22 WILD OATS. 

rain all this time. (^ Jumps up and runs into Batiks' a cottage 

3 E., K. H.) 

F. Gam. Ay, neighbor, you'll soon scratch a beggar's head, 
if you harbor every mad vagrant. This may be one of the 
footpads, that, it seems, have got about the coimtry ; but I'll 
have an execution, and seize on thy goods, this day, my charita- 
ble neighbor. {^Lights up.) Eh, the sun strikes out, quite 
cleared up. 

EnUrZ^^tfrprnthe Hpu^Cf r^.s., 3 e. 

Jane. La, feyther, if there isn't comijig^doTivii the viU^jehi-r? 

J^. Gam. Ah, thou hussy ! 

Jane, Bless me, feyther ! No time for angeir now. Here's 
Lady Amaranth's charoit, drawn by her new, grand, long^ tailed 
horses. La ! it stops ! 

jF. Gam. Her ladyship is. coming out, and walks thip way. 
She may wish to rest herself in my house. Jene, we n^ii^t 
always make rich folks welcome. 

Jane. Dear me, I'll run in and set things to, jrights. But, 
feyther, your cravat and wig are all got so ruplified with your 
cross-grained tantarums. I'll tie your neckcloth in a big bow, 
and for your wig, if there is any flour in the drudging box — 
(^Runs into the house, L. h., 3 e., and . returns with dredging box 
and binding f and adjusts Gammon' s wigj <S|<?., then exit, 3 E«, I4. 

F. Gam. O, the bailiff, too, that I engaged, . 

Enier Twitch, l,. h., 2 e. 

Twitch. "Well, Master Gammon, as you desired, I'm come 
to serve this here warrant of yours, and arrest Master Banks : 
Where is he ? 

F* Gam. Yes, n,ow I he's determined on't — he's — ZQxmds ! 
stand aside ; I'll speak to you anon. 

Enf^r Lady Amaba^it^, r. h. 

Ladg Am. Friend, {to F. Gam.) Jane, whom t l^^Y© tak^m 
t© be my handmaid, is thy daughter ? 

F. Gam. Ay, so her mother said, an't please your ladyship. 

Lady Am. Ephraim Smooth acquainteth me thou art a 
wealthy yeoman. 



WILD OA,TS, 23 

F, Gam. Why, my lady, I pay my rent. 

Lady Am. Being yet a stranger on my estate aroimd here|i 
I have passed through thy hamlet to behold, -with mine own 
eye, the distresses of my poor tenants. I \\ish to relieve their 
wants. 

F. Gam. Right, your ladyship ; for charity hides a deal of 
Bins. How good of you to think of the poor ! that's, so likje 
me. I'm always contriving how to relieve my neighbors. You 
must lay EanJiB in jail to-night^ {ApsMcttq. TioiUch.) 

Enter, Z A^^, fxom the Souse, Jj. h., 3 e. 

Jane. An't please you, will your ladyship enter onr humble 
dwelling and rest your ladyship in feyther's great cane-bot- 
tomed elbow chair, with a high back ? {Curtesies.^ . 

F. Gam. Do, my lady. To receive so great a bQdyv^f)ni 
her own chariot is an honor I dreamt not of; though, for the 
hungry and weary-foot traveller my doors are always open, 
and my morsel ready. Knock ; when he comes oi^t^ to^oh 
Itim. (^Aside to Twitch.^ 

Lady Am. Thou art henerolent, and I: "will enter thy dwell- 
ing with satisfaction. 

Jane. O precious ! This way, my lady, . -- 

Exeunt all but Twitch- into Gammon's Hoiisst i- H'> S-'B. 
'^^'^' Twitch. Eh! where's the warrant ? — {Feek hia poeliet and 
"kiWCJcs at Banks' s door.) 

Enter Banks, /rom his Cottage, R. h., 3 e. 

Banks. Master Twitch ! "What's jour biuswiesg with me ? 

Ttcitch, (l. h.) Only a little affair here against you. 

Banks. Me ! 

Twitch. Yes. Farmer Gammon has bought a tjiirty pound 
note of hand of yours. 

Banks. Indeed ! Well, I didn't think his malice could have 
stretched so far — I thought the love he professed for m.y sister, 
might — why, it is true, Master. Twitch, to lend our indigent 
cottagers small sums when they've been unable to pay their 
rents, I got lawyer Quirk to procure me this money, and hoped 
their industry would have put it in my power to take up my 



24 WILD OATS. 

note before now. However, I'll go round and try what they 
can do, then call on you and settle it. 

Twitch. You must go with me. 

Rov. (Within.') Old gentleman, come quick, or I'll draw 
another bottle of your currant wine. 

Twitch. You'd best not make a noise, but come. — {To 
Banks.) 

Enter Rover, yrom Banks's Cottagct b. h., 3 e. 

Bov. O, you're here ? Rain over — quite fine — I'U take a 
Bniff of the open air too — Eh, what's the matter. 

Twitch. What's that to you ? 

Rov. What's that to me ? Why, you're a very unman- 
nerly — 

Twitch. O, here's a rescue ! 

Banks. Nay, my dear sir, I'd wish you not to bring your- 
eelf into any trouble about me. 

Twitch. Now, since you don't know what's civil, if the 
debt's not paid directly, to jail you go. 

Rov. My kind, hospitable, good old man to jail ? What's 
the amount, you scoundrel ? ( Crosses to centre.) 

Twitch. Better words, or I'll — 

Rov. Stop ; utter you a word good or bad, except to tell me 
what's your demand upon this gentleman, and I'll give you 
the greatest beating you ever got since the hour you commenced 
rascal. (In a low tone.) 

Twitch, Why, master, I don't want to quarrel with you, 
because — 

Rov. You'll get nothing by it. Do you know, you villain, 
that I am this moment the greatest man living ? 

Twitch. Who, pray ? 

Rov. " I am the bold Thunder ! " Sirrah, know that I 
carry my purse of gold in my coat pocket. Though damme if 
I know how a purse came there. — {Aside, and takes it out.) 
There's twenty pictures of his majesty ; therefore, in the king's 
name, I free his liege subject. (Takes Banks away.) And now 
who am I ? Ah, ah ! 



■WILD OATS. 26 

Twitch. Nine pieces short, my master ; but if you're a hov»se- 
keeper, I'll take this and your bail. 

Rov. Then for bail you must have a housekeeper ? ( Twitch 
crosses to R. H.) "What's to be done ? 

Enter GAMMON,/rc»m his Etottse, L. h., 3 e. 

Ah, here's old Hospitality ! I know you've a house, though 
your fireside was too warm for me. Look ye, here's some ra- 
pacious, griping rascal, has had this worthy gentleman arrested. 
Now a certain, good-for-nothing, rattling fellow, has paid 
twenty guineas ; you pass your word for the other nine ; we'll 
step back into the old gentleman's friendly house, and over ha 
currant wine, our first toast shall be, " Liberty to the honest 
debtor, and confusion to the hard-he»t€d creditor." 

F. Gam. I shan't. 

Eov. Shan't ! What's your name ? 

F» Gam. Gammon ! (^Going up l. h.) 

Eot>* Gammon I Demme, you're the Hampshire hog. 
Exit F. Gam. i/. H., 3 E., shutting the door in Rover's face, 
'Sdeath ! How shall I do to extricate — I wish I had another 
purse in my waistcoat pocket. 

Enter Lady Amaranth /rom the Bouse, 1-. h., ^ e. 

Ladg Am. (l. h.) "What tumult is this ? 

Rov. A lady ! Ma'am, your most obedient humble ser- 
vant. {Bows.) A Quaker too ! They're generally kind and 
humane, and that face is the prologue to a play of a thousand 
good acts — may be she'd help us here. {Aside.} Ma'am, you must 
know that — that I — no — this gentleman — I mean this gen- 
tleman and I — He got a little behindhand, as every honest, 
well-principled man often may, from — from^^ bad harvests and 
rjuns — lodging com — and his cattle — from murrain, and — 
rot the murrain ! you know this is the way all this afiair hap- 
pened, {To Ba7iks.) and then up steps this gentleman {To 
Twitch.) with a — a tip in his way — madam, you understand ? 
And then up steps I — with my a — In short, madam, I am 
the worst story teller in the world where myself is the hero of 
the tale. 

3 



26 WILD OATS. 

Twitch, (r. c.) Mr. Banks has been arrested for thirty pounds, 
and this gentleman has paid twenty guineas of the debt. 

Banks. My litigious neighbor to expose me thus ! 

Lady Am. The young man and maiden within have spoken 
well of thy sister, and pictured thee as a man of irreproachable 
morals, though unfortunate. 

Rov. (L. c.) Madam, he's the honestest fellow — I've known 
him above forty years — he has the best hand at stirring a fire — 
If you was only to taste his currant wine. 

Banks, (r.) Madam, I never aspired to an enviable rank in 
life ; but hitherto pride and prudence kept me above the reach 
of pity ! but obligations from a stranger — 

Lady Am. (l. h.) He ! really a stranger, and attempt to 
free thee ? But friend, (To Rover.') thou hast assumed a right 
which here belongeth alone to me. As I enjoy the blessings 
which these lands produce, I own also the heart -delighting 
privilege of dispensing those blessings to the wretched. Thou 
mad'st thyself my worldly banker, and no cash of mine in thy 
hands ; {Takes a note from a pocket book.) but thus I balance 
our account. {Offers it.) 

Rov. " Madam, my master pays me, nor can I take money 
from another hand without injuring his honor, and disobeying 
his commands." {Crosses to R. h.) 

" Run, run, Orlando, carve on every tree, 
The fair, the chaste, the unexpressive she." 

Runs offt R. H., 1 E. 

Banks. But, sir, I insist you'll return him his money. {To 
Twitch.) Stop ! {Going. Crosses to R. h.) 

Twitch. Ay, stop ! {Holds the skirt of his coat.) 

Lady Am. "Where dwelleth he ? 

Banks. I fancy, where he can, madam. I understand from 
his discourse, that he was on his way to join a company of 
actors in the next town. 

Lady Am. A profane stage player vnth such a gentle, gen- 
erous heart ! Yet, so whimsically wild, like the unconscious 
rose, modestly shrinking from the recollection of its own grace 
and sweetness. 



WILD OATS. 27 

Enter Jane, from Gamtnon's Hottse, l. h., 3 e. 

Jane. (R. H. of Lady Am.) Now, my lady, I'm fit to attend 
your ladyship. I look so genteelish, mayhap her ladyship may 
take me home with her. {Aside.) 

Lady Am. This maiden may find out for me whither he 
goeth. {Aside. Crosses to R. H.) Call on my steward, and thy 
legal demands shall be satisfied. 

To Twitch, who Exits, L. H., 2 E. 

Jane. Here, coachman, drive up my lady's charott, nearer to 
our door. {Calls off, 1 E. R.) Charott ! If she'd take me with her, 
la ! how all the folks will stare. {Aside.) Madam, though the 
roads are so very dusty, I'll walk all the way on foot to your 
ladyship's house — ay, though I should spoil my bran new 
petticoat. 

Lady Am. Rather than sully thy garment, thou shalt be 
seated by me. 

Jane. O, your ladyship ! Ecod, if I didn't think so. {Aside.) 

Lady Am. Friend, {To Banks.) be cheerful ; thine and thy 
sister's sorrows shall be but an April shower. 

Exeunt i 1 E., R. H. 

Enter SiM,yrow Gammon s House, L. h., 3 £. 

Jane. Here, you Sim, order the charott for us. 

Sim. Us ! Come, come, Jane, I've the little tUt cart to 
carry you. 

Jane. Cart ! indeed ! 

Sim. Yes — cart, indeed ! 

Jane. {Crosses to R. h.) Charott! Charott! Sim, you may 
get up behind if you like. Exit, r. h., 1 e. 

Sim. Ha! ha! {Calls.) Charott! Charott! I say, Jane, 
there's Punch's coach — the wheel barrow, that will do very 
well for you. Ha ! ha ! Exeunt, r. h., 1 e. 



WILD OATS. 



Scene II. — Before an Inn, 1 g. Sign over the Door " Rising 
Sun." 

Enter Roveb and "Waiter, l. h., 1 e. 

Rover. Hillo ! friend, when does the coach set out for 
London ? 

Waiter. In about an hour, sir. 

Rov. Has the Winchester coach passed ? 

Waiter. No, sir. Eiit, T>. f. R. h. 

Rov. That's lucky ! Then my trunk is here still. Go I 
will not. Since I've lost the fellowship of my friend Dick, 
m travel no more ; I'll try a London audience ; who know* 
but I may get an engagement ? This celestial lady Quaker !' 
She must be rich ; and ridiculous for such a poor dog as I am, 
even to think of her. How Dick would laugh at me if he 
knew — I dare say by this she has released my kind host from 
flie gripe — I should like to be certain though — 

Enter Bob Johnson Jrotn d. p. r. h. 

S. Johnson. You'll dine here, sir ? I'm honest Bob John- 
son ; kept the Sun these twenty years. Excellent dinner on 
table at two. 

Rov. *' Yet my love indeed is appetite, I'm as hungry as 
the sea, and can digest as much."^ 

B. Johnson. Then you won't do for my shilling ordinary, 
sir ; there's a very good ordinary at the Saracen's Head, at the 
end of the town. Shouldn't have thought indeed, hungry foot 
travellers to eat Hke — coming, sir. Exit n. f. r. h. 

Rov. I'll not join this company at Winchester. No, I'll 
not stay in the country, hopeless, even to expect a look (ex- 
cept of scorn) from this lady. I -will take a touch at a London 
theatre. The pubHc there are candid and generous, and before 
my merit can have time to create enemies, I'll save money, 
and, — " a fig for the sultan and sophy." 

Enter Jane, r. h., 1 e., Sim watching her. 
Jane. Ay, that's he ! 



WILD OJlTB. X9 

Ifew. But if I fall, by heaven, I'll overwhelm the manager, 
his empire, and — ♦* himself in one prodigious niin." 

Jane. Ruin ! O lord ! (^Runs back.) 

Sim. Hem ! (^Ja7ie screams and falls into Hover's arms.) 
What can you expect when you follow young men ? I've 
dodged you all the way. 

Jane. Well ! wasa't I sent ? 

Sim. O yes, you were sent — very likely. Who sent you ? 

Jane. It was — I won't tell it's my lady, 'cause she bid 
me not. (Aside.) 

Sim. I'll keep you from sheame, {Ptiis her over <o R. h.) — 
A fine life I should lead in the parish, rare fleeing, if a sister 
of moine should stand some Sunday at church, in a white sheet, 
and to all their flouts what could I ^y ? 

Rov. Thus, " I say my sister's wronged, my sister Blowsa- 
hella, horn as high and noble as the attorney — do her justice, or 
by the gods, I'll lay a scene of blood shall make thii haymow 
horrible to Beebles.'^' «< Say that, Chamont." 

Sim. I believe it's full moon. You go hoame to your place, 
and moind your business. {To Jane.) 

Jane. My lady will be so pleased I found him I I don't 
wonder at it, he's such a fine q)oken msm. 

Sim. Dang it ! Will you stand here grinning at the wild 
bucks ? 

Ja7ie. (^Crosses to centre.) Perhaps the gentleman might wish 
to send h» ladyship a compliment. An't please you, sir, if 
it's even a kiss betweers u« two, it shall go safe ; for, though 
you should give it me, brother Sim then can take it to my 
lady. 

Rov. « I kissed thee e'er I killed thee." 

Jane. Kill me ! 

Rov. ** No way but this, killing myself to die upon a kiss ! " 
(^Kisses her — Sim forces him from her.) 

Sim. Go ! (To Jane, — puis her out, B. H.) 

Rov. " Ay ; to a nunnery go, go." 

Sim. Ay, go and be a nunnery. 

Rov, I'm cursedly out of spirits ; but hang sorrow j I may 
3* 



^0 WILD OATS. 

»s well divert myself. ** 'Tis meat and drink for me to see a 
clown." •« Shepherd, was't ever at court ? " 

Sim. Not I. 

Roo. ** Then thou art damned." 

Sim. Eh ! 

Rov. Ay ! "thou art damned like an ill-roasted egg — all 
on one side." Little Hospitality. (^Crosses to. Gammon') 

, . . Enier Farmer Gammon, k. h., 1 E. 

JP. Gam. Eh, where's the showman that wants to hire my 
barn ? So, Madam Jane, I place her out to sarvice, and instead 
of attending her mistress, she gets galloping all about the tU- 
^lage. How's this, son ? 

Rov. «• Your son ? Young Clodpate, take him to your 
wheat stack, and there teach him manners." 

F. Gam. Ah, thou'rt the fellow that would bolt out of the 
dirty roads into people's houses. Ho, ho, ho ! Sim's schooling 
is mightily thrown away if he hasn't more manners than thou. 
, Sim. Why, feyther, it is ! Gadzooks, he be one of the 
play ! Acted Tom Fool, in King Larry, at Lymington t'other 
night — I thought I know'd the face, thof he had a straw 
cap, and a blanket about'n — Ho, ho ! how comical that was 
when you said — 

Rov. " Pillicock sat upon Pillicock Hill, pil — i — loo, loo, 
loo!" 

Sim. That's it! He's at it! (C/ops.) Laugh, feyther. Plause 
*em — they always plause 'em. (^Goes up the staff e and crosses 

«OR.H.) 

JP. Gam. Hold your tongue, boy ! I believe he's no better 
than he should be. The moment I saw him, says I to .myself, 
you are a rogue. 

Rov. There you spoke truth for once in your life. 

F. Gam. I'm glad to hear you confess it. But her lady- 
ship shall have the vagrants whipped out of the country. 

Rov. Vagrant ! *« Thou wretch ! despite o'erwhelm thee ! " 
«' Only squint, and, by heaven, I'll beat thy blown body 'till it 
rebounds like a tennis ball." (Sm forces Rover from his 
father.) 



■WILD OATS. 81 

Sim. Beat my feyther ! No, no. Thou must first beat me. 
(^Ptiis himself in a posture of defence.') 

Rov. (^Aside, with great feeling.) " Though love cool, friend- 
ship fall off, brothers divide, subjects rebel, O, never let the 
sacred bond be cracked 'twixt son and father ! " — I never 

knew a father's protection, never had a father to protect. 

(^Puts his handkerchief to his eyes, and goes up the stage.) 

Sim. Ecod ! he's not acting now ! 
. F. Gam. Pshaw ! 

Enter Bob Johnson, with a Book, Pen, and Ink, d. p. k. h. 

Landlord, is this Mr. Lamp here ? 

Johnson. I've just opened a bottle for him and t'other in 
the parlor. 

Bov. «< Go, father, with thy son, give him a livery more 
guarded than his fellows." Exit F. Gam., d. p. r. h. 

Sim. Livery! "Why, I be no sarvant man, though sister 
Jane is. Gi's thy hand. ( To Rover.) I don't know how 'tis ; 
but I think I could lose my life for him ; but mustn't let fey- 
ther be lickt though — have an apple? (Sm gives him an 
apple.) 

Rov. Certainly. 

Sim. {Going, turns and looks at Rover.) Ecod, I ne'er shall 
forget Pillicock ! Exit, 1 e. r. 

Rov. Thou art an honest reptile ; I'll make my entree on the 
London boards in Bayes ; yes, I shall have no comparison against 
me. " Egad, it's very hard that a gentleman and an author 
can't come to teach them, but he must break his nose, and — 
and — all that — but — rso the players are gone to dinner." 

Johnson. No such people frequent the Sun, I assure you. 

Rov. "Sun, moon, and stars!" — Now mind the echpse, 
Mr. Johnson. 

Johnson. I heard nothing of it, sir. 

Rov. ** There's the sun between the earth and moon — 
there's the moon between the earth and the sun, tol, lol, lol ! 
dance the hay ! Luna means to show her tail." 



82 WILD OATS, 

Enter Waiter, d. f. b. h. 

Waiter. Two gentlemen in th.e parlor would speak with 
you. (To Roter.) 

Rov. ** I attend them, were they twenty times our mother." 

Waiter. Your mother, sir ! why it is two gentlemen. 

Jtov. Say I attend them, with all respect and duty. 

Exit Waiter, D. F. K. H. 

Johnson. Sir, you go in the stage ; as we book the passen- 
gers, what name ? 

Mov. " I am the bold Thunder," Exit, d. p. e. h. 

Johnson. {Writing.) Mr. Thunder. 

Enter John Dory, l. h., 1 e. 

John. I want two places in the stage coach, because I and 
another gentleman are going a voyage. 

Johnson. Just two vacant : what name ? 

John. Avast ! I go aloft. But let's see who'll be my mas- 
ter's messmates in the cabin : (Reads.) Captain Maccolah, Coun- 
sellor Fazacherly, Miss GosHng, Mr. Thunder. What's this ? 
speak, man ! is there one of that name going ? 

Johnson. Booked him this minute. 

John. If our voyage should now be at an end before we be- 
gin it ! — if this Mr. Thunder should be my master's son ! — 
(Aside.) — What rate is this vessel ? 

Johnson. Rate ! 

John. What sort of a gentleman is he ? 

Johnson. O ! a rum sort of a gentleman ; I suspect he's one 
of the players. 

John. True ; Sam said it was some player's people coaxed 
him away from Portsmouth school. It must be the 'squire — 
show me where he is moored, my old purser. 

Exity singing, and Johnson following ^ D. P. B. H. 



WILD OATS. 98 



Scmsz IIL — d Boom in the Inn. Table toith Wine, and two 
Chairs on. 

Lamp, l. h., and Trap, b. h., discovered drinking. 

Trap. This same Farmer Gammon seems a surly spark. 

Lamp. No matter. His bam Tvill hold a good thirty poimds, 
and if I can but engage this young fellow, this Rover, he'll 
cram it every night he plays. He's certainly a devilish good 
actor. Now, Trap, you must inquire out a carpenter, and be 
brisk about the building. I think we shall have smart business, 
as we stand so well for pretty women too. O, here he is 1 

Trap. Snap him at any terms. 

Enter Rover, l. h., 1 je. 

Rov. Gentlemen, your most obedient — the waiter told 
me — ^Lamp and Trap advance, R. H.) 

Lamp. Sir, to our better acquaintance. {FiUs.) 

Rov. I don't recollect I have the honor of knowing— 

Lamp. {In centre.) Mr. Rover, though I am a stranger to 
you, your merit is none to me. 

Rov. Sir ! {Bows.) 

Lamp. Yes, sir, my name is Lamp ; I am manager of the 
company of comedians that's come down here, and Mr. Trap is 
my treasurer, engages performers, sticks bills, finds properties, 
keeps box book, prompts play, and takes the towns. 

Trap. The most reputable company, and charming money 
getting circuit. {Apart to Rover.) 

Rov. Haven't a doubt, sir. 

Lamp. Only suiFer me to put up your name to play with us 
ax nights, and twelve guineas are yours, 

Rov. Sir, I thank you, and must confess your offer ia lib- 
eral ; but my friends have flattered me into a sort of opinion 
that encourages me to take a touch at the capital. 

Lamp. Ah, my dear JVIr. Rover, a London theatre » dan- 
gerous ground. 

Rov. Why, I may fail, and gods may groan, and ladies 
drawl, *« La, what an awkward creature ! " But should I top 



04 WILD OATS. 

my part, then shall gods applaud, and ladies sigh, «< The charm- 
ing fellow ! " and treasurers smile upon me as they count the 
shining guineas ! 

Lamp. But, suppose — 

Rov. Ay, suppose the contrary ; I have a certain friend 
here, in my coat pocket. {Puts his hand into his coat pocket.') 
Eh ! zounds ! where is — O, the devil ! I gave it to discharge 
my kind host — going for London, and not master of five shil- 
lings ! (^Aside.) " Sir, to return to the twenty pounds.'*li xriino 

Lamp. Twenty poimds ! Well, let it be so. 

Rov. Sir, I engage with you; call a rehearsal when and 
where you please, I'll attend. 

Lamp. Sir, I'll step for the cast book, and you shall choose 
your characters. Exit, r. h. 

Trap. And, sir, I'll write out the play bills directly. 

Exit, K. H. 

Rov. Since I must remain here some time, and I've not the 
most distant hope of ever speaking to this goddess again, I wish 
I had inquired her name, that I might know how to keep out 
of her way. 

Enter John Dory and B. Johnson, l. h., 1 e. 

Johnson, There's the gentleman. 

John. Very well. (^Exit Johnson, l. h.) What cheer, ho ! 
master 'squire ? 

Rov. Cheer, ho ! my hearty ! {Imitates John.) 

John. The very face of his father ! And an't you ashamed 
of yourseK? 

Rov. Why, yes, I am sometimes. 

John. Do you know, if I had you at the gangway, I'd give 
you a neater dozen than ever you got from your schoolmaster's 
cat-o'-nine tails? 

Rov. You wouldn't sure ? 

John. I would svire. 

Rov. Indeed ? — pleasant enough ! who is this genius ? 

John. I've despatched a shallop to tell Lady Amaranth 
you're here. 

Rov. You haven't ? 



WILD OATS. $S 

John. I have. 

Bov. Now, wlio the devil's Lady Amaranth ? 

John. I expect her chariot every moment, and when it 
comes, you'll get into it, and I'll get into it, and I'll set you 
doAVTi genteelly at her house ; then I'll have obeyed my orders, 
and I hope your father will be satisfied. 

Bov. My father ! who's he, pray ? 

Johti. Pshaw ! leave off your fun, and prepare to ask his 
pardon. 

Rov. Ha, ha, ha ! Why, my worthy friend, you are totally 
wrong in this affair. Upon my word I'm not the person you 
take me for. (^Going.) 

John. You don't go, though they've got your name down 
in the stage coach book, Mr. Thunder. 

Rov. Mr. Thunder ! stage coach book ! {Pauses.') Ha, ha, 
ha ! This must be some curious blunder. 

John. O, my lad, your father. Sir George, will change 
your note. 

Rov. He must give me one first. Sir George ! then my 
father is a knight, it seems ; ha, ha, ha ! very good, faith ! 'pon 
my honor, I am not the gentleman that you think me. 

John. I ought not to think you any gentleman for giving 
your honor in a falsehood. O, them play actors you went 
amongst have quite spoiled you. I wish only one of 'em 
would come in my way. I'd teach 'em to bring a gentleman's 
^n tramboozing about the coimtry. 

Enter Watter, l. h. 

Wait. Her ladyship's chariot's at the door, and I fancy it's 
you, sir, the coachman wants. Exitf l. h. 

John. Yes, it's me. I attend your honor. {To Rov.) 

Rov. Then you insist on it that I am — 

John. I insist on nothing, only you shall come. 

Rov. Indeed ! ShaU ! Shall is a word don't sound over 
agreeable to my ears. 

John. Does a pretty girl sound well to yoiir ear ? 

Rov. ** More music La the chnk of her horse's hoofs than 
twenty hautboys." Why is this Lady Thing- o-me pretty ? 



36 WILD OATS. 

John. Beautiful as a mermaid, and stately as a ship under 
sail. 

Rov. A beautiful woman ! — «« O, such, a sight ! talk of 
coronations ! " 

John. Coronation ! zounds ! -what are you thinking of ? 

Rov. *' I was thinking of a side-saddle." 

John. Side-saddle ! why, damme, we go in a coach, 

Rov. Egad ! I've a mind to humor the frolic — well, well, 
I'll see your mermaid. But then, on the instant of my appear- 
ance the mistake must he discovered. (Aside.) — Hark ye, is 
this father of mine you talk of at this lady's ? 

Johti. No. Your father's in chase of the deserters. — I find 
he's a&aid to face the old one, so, if I tell him, he won't go 
with me. (Aside.) — No, no, we shan't see him in a hurry. 

Rov. Then I'll venture. Has the lady ever seen me ? 

John. Psha ! none of your jokes, man ; you know that h«r 
ladyship, no more than myself, has set eyes upon you since you 
was the bigness of a rumbo canakin. 

Rov. The choice is made, I have my Ranger's dress in my 
trunk — «« Cousin of Buckingham, thou sage, grave man I " 

John. What ? 
8' Rov. " Since you will buckle fortune on my back, to bear 
Iter burden, whether I will or no, I must have patience to en- 
dure the load ! but if black scandal, or foul-faced" — 

John. Black ! my foul face was as fair as yours before I 
went to sea. 

Rov. «* Your mere enforcement shall acquittance me." 

John. Man, don't stand preaching Parson Sacks — come to 
the chariot. 

Rov. Ay, to the chariot ! " Bear me, Bucephalus, among 
the billows ; (Jumps on the back of John^ tcTio carries Aim off^ 
L. H.) hey, for the Tigris ! " Exeunt^ L. h. 

1^)70 bil 

END OP ACT II. 



ACT III. 

8c]DN£ I. — Lady Amaranth's House. — Table and two Chairs 
on li. H. — So/a on R. h, — Ttoo Chairs on R. h, 

Bnter Lady Amaha^jtth and Ephraim, r. h., 1 e. -^" •'- 

Lady Am. Though thou hast settled that distressed gentle- 
man's debt, let his sister come unto me, and remit a quarter's 
rent unto all my tenants. 

Eph. As thou bidd'st, I have discharged from the pound 
the widow's cattle ; but shall I let the lawsuit drop against the 
farmer's son, who did shoot the pheasant ? 

Lady Am. Yea; but instantly turn from my service the 
gamekeeper's man that did kill the fawn, while it was eating 
from his hand. AVe should hate guile, though we may love 
venison. 

Eph. I love a young doe. (^Aside.) — Since the death of friend 
Dovehouse, who, (though one of the fakhful) was an active 
magistrate, this part of the country is infested with covetous 
men, called robbers, and I have, in thy name, said unto the 
people, whoever apprehendeth one of these, I will reward him, 
yea, with thirty pieces of gold. ^A loud knocking without^ 
L. H.) That beating of one brass against another at thy door 
proclaimeth the approach of vanity, whose pride of heart swell- 
eth at an empty sound. Exit R. h., 1 e. 

Lady Am. But my heart is possessed with the idea of that 
wandering youth, whose benevolence induced him to part with, 
perhaps, his all, to free the vmhappy debtor. His person is 
amiable, his address according to worldly modes ; formed to 
please, to delight. But he's poor ; is that a crime ? Perhaps, 
meanly born ; but one good action is an illustrious pedigree. 
I feel I love him, and in that word are birth, fame, and riches. 

Enter Jane, l. h., 1 e. 

Jane. Madam, my lady, an't please you, — 

4 (37) 



38 WILD OATS. 

Lady Am. Didst thou find the young man, that I may 
return him the money he paid for my tenant ? 

Jane. I found him, ma'am, and — I found him, and he 
talked of what he said. 

Lady Am. What did he say ? 

Jane. He saw me, ma'am — and called me BlowsabeHa, 
and said he would — I'll be hanged, ma'am, if he didn't say he 
would — Now, think of that, — but if he hadn't gone to Lon- 
don in the stage coach — 

Lady Am. Is he gone ? ( With emotion.') 

Enter John Dory, l. h., 1 e. 

John. O, my lady, mayhap John Dory is not the man to be 
sent after young gentleman that scamper from school, and run 
about the country play acting ! — Pray walk up stairs, Master 
Thunder. {Calls off.) 

Lady Am. Hast thou brought my kinsman hither ? 

John. Well, I haven't then. 

Jane. If you havn't, why do you make a talk about it ? 

John. Well, don't give me your palaver, young Miss Slip 
Slop. Will you only walk up, if you please. Master Harry ? 

Jane. Will you walk up, if you please. Master Harry ? 

Lady Am. Friendship requireth, yet I am not disposed to 
commune with company. (Aside.) 

Jane. O, bless me, ma'am ! if it isn't — 

■i vvv- Enter 'Roxt&h, full dressed, l. h., 1 e. 

Rov. " 'Tis I, Hamlet the Dane ! " _ «« Thus far, into the 
bowels of the land, have we marched on." «« John, that 
bloody and devouring boar ! " 

John. He called me bull in the coach. 

Jane. I don't know what brought such a bull in the coach I 

Rov. This the Lady Amaranth ! By heavens, the very 
angel Quaker ! 

Lady Am. {Turns.) The dear, generous youth, my cousin 
Harry ! 

John, There he's for you, my lady, and make the most 
of him. <<"^* <^ x'xx^hi 



WILD 0AT8. 39 

Jane. O, how happy my lady is ! he looks so charming now 
he's fine. 

John. Harkye ! she's as rich as a Spanish Indiaman, and I 
tell you, your father wishes you'd grapple her by the heart — 
covirt her, you mad devil. (^Apart to Rover.) There's an en- 
gagement to be between these two vessels ; but little Cupid's 
the only man that's to take minutes, so come. (2b Jane.) 

Jane. Ma'am, an't I to wait on you ? 

John. No, my lass, you're to wait on me. 

Jane. Wait on this great sea bull! lack- a- daisy ! ami — 
am — 

John. By this, Sir George is come to the inn, without letting 
the younker know. I'll go bring him here, and smuggle both 
father and son into a joyful meeting. {Aside.) Come now, usher 
me down like a lady. ( To Jane.) 
^ Jane. This way, Mr. Sailor Gentleman. 

Exeunt John and Jane, L. H. D, 

Bov. By heavens, a most delectable woman ! (Aside.) 

Lady Am. Cousin, when I saw thee in the village free the 
sheep from the wolf, why didst not tell me then thou wert son 
to my uncle, Sir George ? 

Rov. Because, my lady, then I — didn't know it myself. 
(Aside.) 

Ladij Am. Why wouldst thou vex thy father, and quit thy 
school. 

Rov. *« A truant disposition, good my lady, brought me from 
Wirtemberg." 

Ladi/ Am. Thy father designs thee for his dangerous pro- 
fession ; but is thy inclination turned to the voice of trumpets, 
and smites of mighty slaughter ? 

Rov. ** Why, ma'am, as for old Boreas, my dad, when the 
blast of war blows in his ears, he's a tiger in his fierce resent- 
ment." — But for me, " I think it a pity, so it is, that villanous 
saltpetre should be digged out of the bowels of the earth, which 
many a good tall fellow has destroyed, with wounds, and guns, 
and drums — heaven save the mark ! " 

Ladi/ Am. Indeed thou art tall, my cousin, and grown of 
comely stature. Our families have long been separated. 



40 WILD OATS. 

Bov. They hare. — Since Adam, I believe, (Aside.) — «« Then, 
lady, let that sweet bud of love now ripen to a beauteous 
flower ! " 

Lady Am. Love ! 

Rov. '* Excellent wench ! perdition catch my soul, but I do 
love thee ; and when I love thee not, Chaos is come again." 

Lady Am. Thou art of a happy disposition. 

JRov. " If I were now to die, 'twere now to be most happy." 
** Let our senses dance in concert to the joyful minutes, and this 
and this the only discord mak€." (^Embracing.) 

w Enter J^JfE, -with Cake and Wine, L. H., 1 E* 

'" Jane. Ma'am, an't please you, Mr. Ephraim Hd me — 

Rov. «* Why, you fancy yourself Cardinal Wolsey ia thii 
family." 

Jane. No, sir, I'm not Cardinal Wolsey ; I'm only my lady's 
maid here — Jenny Gammon, at your service. 

Rov. " A bowl of cream for your Catholic Majesty." 

Jane. Cream ! No, sir, it's wine and water. 
'■Rov. «* You get no water ; take the wine, great potentate," 
(Gives Lady Am. a glass, then drinks.) 

Jane. Madam, my father begs leave — 

Rov. " Go, go, thou shallow Pomona." (Puts her out, 
L. H., 1 E.) 

Enter Farmer Gammon and Lamp, l. h., 1 e. 

Eh, zounds ! my manager ! 

F. Gam. I hope her ladyship hasn't found out 'twas I had 
Banks arrested. (Aside.) — Would your ladyship give leave for 
this here honest man and his comrades to act a few plays in the 
town ; 'cause I've Ict'n my bam. 'Twill be some little help to 
me, my lady. 

Rov. My lady, I understand these affairs. Leave me to 
settle 'em. 

Lady Am. True ; these are delusions as a woman I under- 
stand not. But by my cousin's advice I will abide ; ask hia 
permisaon. (To Gam.) 

Gam. So ; I must pay my respects to the yoxing 'squire. 



WILD OATS. 41 

{Aaide.) — An't please your honor, if a poor man like me 
(^Bows.) durst offer my humble duty — 

Rov. Can'st thou bow to a vagrant. Eh, Little Hospitality ? 

(^Farmer Gammon looks in his face and sneaks off^ L. H., 1 E.) 

Lamp. Please your honor, if I may presume to hope you'll 
be graciously pleased to take our little squad under your hon- 
or's protection, 

Rov. Ha ! 

Lady Am. "What say'st thou, Henry ? 

B.OV. Ay, Where's Henry ? Gadso ! True, that's me. 
Strange I should already forget my name, and not half an hour 
since I was christened ! {^Aside.') — Harkye ! do you play 
yourself? Eh! Ha! Hem! {Vaporing.) Fellow? 

Lamp. Yes, sir ; and, sir, I have just now engaged a new 
actor, Mr. Rover. Such an actor ! but I dare say, sir, you've 
heard of Mr. Rover. 

Rov. Eh ! What ! you've engaged that — what's his name, 
Rover ? If such is your best actor, you shan't have my per- 
mission. My dear madam, the worst fellow in the world. Get 
along out of the town, or I'll have all of you, man, woman, 
child, stick, rag, and fiddlestick, clapped into the whirligig. 

Lady Am. Good man ; abide not here. 

Rov. Eh ! "What, my friend ? Now, indeed, -if this new 
actca* you brag of, this crack of your company, was any thing 
like a gentleman — 

Lamp. {Siares.) It isn't ! 

Rov. It is. My good friend, if I was really the unfortunate 
poor strolling dog you thought me, I should tread your four 
boards, and crow the cock of yoiir barn-door fowl ; but as fate 
has ordained that I'm a goitleman, and son to Sir, Sir — what 
the devil's my father's name ? (Aside.) — you must be content 
to murder Shakspeare without making me an accomplice. 

Lamp. But, my most gentle sir, I, and my treasurer Trap, 
have trumpeted your fame ten miles round the country : — the 
bills are posted, the stage built, the candles booked, fiddles en- 
gaged, all on the tip-top of expectation. "We should have to- 
-morrow night an overflow, ay, thirty jwunds. Dear, worthy 
;«r, you wouldn't go to niin a whole community and their fam- 
4* 



42 WILD OATS. 

ilies that now depend only on the exertion of yovir brilliant 
talents. 

Rov. Eh ! I never was uniform, but in one maxim, that is, 
though I do little good, to hurt nobody but myself. 

Lady Am. Since thou hast promised, much as I prize my 
adherence to those customs in which I was brought up, thou 
shalt not sully thy honor by a breach of thy word ; for truth 
is more shining than beaten gold. Play, if it can bring good 
to these people. 

Jtov. ShaU I? 

Lady Am. This falleth out well ; for I have bidden all the 
gentry round unto my house-warming, and these pleasantries 
may afford them a cheerful and innocent entertainment. 

Rov. True, my lady ; your guests an't Quakers, though you 
are ; and when we ask people to our house, we study to please 
them, not ourselves. But if we do furbish a play or two, the 
Muses shan't honor that chiirlish fellow's bam. No, the God 
that illumines the soul of genius should never visit the iron 
door of inhumanity. No Gammon's bam for me ! 

Lady Am. Bam ! no ; that gallery shall be thy theatre ; 
and, in spite of the grave doctrines of Ephraim Smooth, my 
friends and I will behold and rejoice in thy pranks, my pleas- 
ant coTisin, 

Rov. My kind, my charming lady! Hey, brighten up, 
bully Lamp; carpenters, tailor, manager, distribute your box 
tickets for my lady's gallery. " Come, gentle coz." 

«« The actors are at hand, and by their show 

You shall know all 

That you are like to know." 

Exeunt, Rov. and Lady Am. B. H., 1 E., Lamp, L. H. 1 E, 



Scene II. — Inferior of Inn. 
Enter Sir Geobge Thunder, (agitated,') and Bob Johnson, 

L. H., 1 E. 

Sir Geo. I can hear nothing of these deserters ; yet by my 
first intelligence, they'll not venture up to London. They 



"WILD OATS. 43 

must still be lurking about the country.. Landlord, bave any- 
suspicious persons put ia at your bouse ? 

Johnson. Yes, sir ; now and tben. 

Sir Geo. Zounds ! wbat do you do "witb tbem ? 

Johnson. Wby, sir, when a man calls for liquor that I think 
has no money, I make him pay beforehand. 

Sir Geo. Damn your liquor, you self-interested porpoise ! 
Chatter your own private concerns, when the public good, or 
fear of general calamity, should be the only compass ! These 
fellows that I'm in pursuit of have run from their ships ; if 
our navy's unmanned, what becomes of you and your house, 
you dunghill cormorant ? 

Johnso7i. This is a very abusive sort of a gentleman ; but he 
has a full pocket, or he wouldn't be so saucy. {Aside.) 

Exit, L. H. 

Sir Geo, This rascal, I believe, doesn't know I'm Sir George 
Thunder. "Winds, still variable, blow my affairs right athwart 
each other. To know what's become of my runagate son Har- 
ry, — and there my rich lady niece, pressing and squeezing up 
the roble plumage of our illustrious family in her little, mean 
Quaker bonnet ; but I must up to town after — S'blood, when 
I catch my son Harry ! — O, here's John Dory. 

Enter John Dory, l. h., 1 e. 

Have you taken the places in the London coach for me ? 

John. Hahoy ! your honor, is that yourself ? 

Sir Geo. No, I'm beside myself — heard any thing of my 
son ? . , . 

John. "What's o'clock ? u 

Sir Geo. "What do you talk of clocks or timepieces — all 
gla^sses' reckoning, and log line, are run mad with me. 

John. If it's two, your son is at this moment walking with 
Lady Amaranth in her garden. 

Sir Geo. "With Lady Amaranth ? 

John. If half after, they're cast anchor to rest themselves 
amongst the posies ; if three, they're got up again ; if four, 
they're picking a bit of crammed fowl ; and, if haK after, they're 



44 -WILD OATS. 

picking their teeth, and cracking -walnuts oyer a bottle of Cal- 
cavella. 

Sir Geo. My son ! my dear friend, where did you find him ? 

Johii. Why, I found him "where he was, and I left him 
-where he is. 

Sir Geo. What, tmd he came to Lady Amaranth's ? 

John. No ; but I brought him there from this house in her 
ladyship's chariot. — I won't tell him Master Harry went 
amongst the players, or he'd never forgive him. (^Aside.) — O, 
8ueh a merry, civil, crazy, crackbrain i the very picture of 
your honor. 

Sir Geo. Ha, ha, ha ! What, he's in high spirits ? ha, ha, 
ha ! the dog ! (Joyfidly.) But I hope he's had discretion 
enough to throw a little gravity over his mad humor before his 
prudent cousin. 

John. He threw himsdf on his knees before her, and that 
did quite as well. 

Sir Geo. Ha, ha, ha ! made love to her already ! O, the 
impudent, the cunning villain ! What, and may be he — 

( With great glee.") 

John. Indeed, he did give her a smack. 

Sir Geo. Me ! ha, ha, ha ! 

John. O, he's yours ! a chip of the old block. 

Sir Geo. He is ! he is ! ha, ha, ha ! . 

John. O, he threw his arms around her as eager as I -would 
to catch a falling decanter of Madeira. 

Sir Geo. Huzza ! victoria ! Here -will be a junction of two 
bouncing estates ! but, confound the money. John, you shall 
have a bowl for a jolly-boat to swim in ; roll in here a puncheon 
of rum, a hogshead of sugar, shake an orchard of oranges, and 
let the landlord drain his fishpond yonder. (^Sings.) «« A 
bumper ! a bumper of good liquor," &c. 

John. Then my good master. Sir George, I'll order a bowl 
in, since you are in humor for it. «« We'll dance a little and 
sing a little." Exit, singing, L. H., 1 E. 

Sir Geo. And so the wild rogue is this instant rattling up 
her prim ladyship. Eh, isn't this he ? Left her already. 



WILI> OATS. 46 

Enter Harry, fuU dress, 2 e. l. 

Har, I must have forgot my cane in this room. My father ! 
Eh ! zounds ! 

Sir Geo. (Looks at his watch.) Just half after four ! "Why, 
Harry, you've made great haste in cracking your walnuts. 

Har. Yes; he's heard of my frolics with the players, (^at'rfe.) 
Dear father, if you'll but forgive — 

Sir Geo. Why, indeed, Harry, you've acted very bad. 

Har. Sir, it should be considered I was but a novice. 

Sir Geo. However, I shall think of xMfthing bow but your 
benefit. 

Har. Very odd his approving of — (^Aside.) — I thank you, 
sir, but, if agreeable to you, I've done with benefits. 

Sir Geo. If I wasn't the best of fathers, you might indeed 
hope none from me ; but no matter, if you can but get the «« fair 
Quaker." 

Har. Or, « The Humors of the Navy," sir ? 

Sir Geo. What ! how dare you reflect on the humors of the 
navy ? The navy has very good humors, or I'd never see your 
dog's face again, you villain ! But I'm cooL What, eh, boy, 
a snug easy chariot ? 

Har. I'll order it. Waiter, desire my father's carriage to 
draw up ! (^Calls off.) 

Sir Geo. IVIine, you rogue ! I've none here. I mean Lady 
Amaranth's. 

Har. Yes, sir, Lady Amaranth's chariot ! {Calling off.) 

Sir Geo. What are you at ? I laean that which you left 
this house in. 

Har. Chariot ! sir, I left this house on foot. 

Sir Geo. What, with John Dory ? 

Har. No, sir, with Jack Rover. 

fifw* Geo. Why, John has been a rover, to be sure ; but now 
he's settled, since I've made liim my valet-de-chambre. 

Har. Make him your valet ! Why, sir, where did you meet 
him? 

Sir Geo. Zounds ! I met him on board, and I met him on 



46 WILD OATS. 

shore, and in the cabm, steerage, gallery, and forecastle. He 
sailed round the world with me. 

Har. Strange this, sir ! certainly, I understood he had been 
in the East Indies ; but he never told me he even knew you ; 
— but, indeed, he knew me only by the name of Dick Buskin. 

Sir Geo, Then how came he to bring you to Lady Ama- 
ranth's ? 

Ear, Bring me where ? 

Sir Geo. Answer me. An't you now come from her lady- 
ship's ? 

Har. {Stares.) Me? Not I. 

Sir Geo. Ha ! this is a lie of John's to enhance his own ser- 
vices. Then you have not been there ? 

Har. There ! I don't know where you mean, sir. 

Sir Geo. Yes ; 'tis all a brag of John's, but I'll — 

Enter John Dory, l. h., 1 e. 

John. The rum and sugar are ready ; but as for the fish- 
pond — 

Sir Geo. I'll kick you into it, you thirsty old grampus. 

John. "Will you ? Then I'll make a comical roasted orange. 

Sir Geo. How dare you say you brought my son to Lady 
Amaranth's ? 

John. And who says I did not ? 

Sir Geo. He that best should know : only Dick Buskin here. 

John. Then Dick Buckskin might find some other amuse- 
ment than shooting off his guns here. 

Sir Geo, Did you bring my son to Lady Amaranth's in her 
chariot ? 

John. And to be sure I did. 

Sir Geo. There, what do you say to that ? 

Har. I say it's false. 

John. False ! shiver my hulk, Mr. Buckskin, if you wore a 
lion's skin, I'd curry you for this. Exit, in a rage, l. h., 1 e. 

Sir Geo. No, no, John's honest ; I see through it now. The 
puppy has seen her ; perhaps he has the impudence not to like 
her, and so blows up this confusion and perplexity only to break 
off a marriage that I've set my heart on. 



■WILD OATS. 47 

Har. What does he mean ? Sir, I'll assure you — 
Sir Geo. Damn your assurance, you disobedient, ungrateful 
. — I'll not part with you till I confront you with Lady Ama- 
ranth herself face to face, and if I prove you've been deceiving 
me, I'll launch you into the wide ocean of life without rudder, 
compass, grog, or tobacco. Exeunt ^ l. h., 1 e. 



ZKD OF ACT m. 



ACT IV. 

Scene I. — Lady Amaranth's House. 
Enter Lady Amaranth, reading, k. h., 1 b. 

Lady Am. The fanciful flights of my pleasant cousin en- 
chant my senses. This book he gaye me to read containeth 
good moral. The man Shakspeare, that did write it, they call 
immortal ; he must indeed have been filled with a divine spirit 
I understand, from my cousin, the origin of plays were reh- 
gious mysteries ; that, freed from the superstition of early, and 
the grossness of latter ages, the stage is now the vehicle of de- 
light and morality. If so, to hear a good play, is taking the 
wholesome draught of precept from a golden cup, embossed 
with gems : yet my giving countenance to have one in my 
house, and even to act in it myself, proves the ascendency that 
my dear Harry hath over my heart. Ephraim Smooth is much 
scandalized at these doings. 

Enter Ephraim, r. h., 1 e. 

Eph, This mansion is now the tabernacle of Baal. 

Lady Am. Then abide not in it. 

Eph. 'Tis full of the wicked ones. 

Lady Am. Stay not amongst the wicked ones. 

(^Loud laughing without, R. H.) 

Eph. I must shut mine ears. 

Lady Am. And thy mouth also, good Ephraim. I have 
bidden my cousin Henry to my house, and I will not set bounds 
to his mirth to gratify thy spleen, and show mine own inhospi- 
tality. 

Eph. "Why dost thou suffer him to put into the hands of 
thy servants books of tragedies, and books of comedies, prel- 
ude, interlude, yea, all lewd ? My spirit doth wax wTath. 1 
say unto thee, a play house is the school for the old dragon, and 
a play book the primer of Beelzebub. 

(48) 



WILD OATS. 49 

Lady Am. This is one ; mark ! (Reads.) — " Not the king's 
crown, nor the deputed sword, the marshal's truncheon, nor 
the judge's robe, become them with one half so good a grace 
as mercy doth. O, think on that, and mercy then will breathe 
within your lips like man new made ! " — Doth Beelzebub 
speak such words ? 

Eph. Thy kinsman hath made all thy servants actors. 

Lady Am. To act well is good service. 

Eph. Here cometh the damsel for whom my heart yeameth. 

Enter Jane, (^Reading a paper, joyfully.) K. H. 

Jane. O ma'am, his honor, the squire, says the play's to be 
** As you like it." 

Eph. I hke it not. 

Jane. He's given me my character. I'm to be Miss Au- 
drey, and brother Sim's to be William of the Forest, as it were. 
But how am I to get my part by heart ? 

Lady Am. By often reading it. 

Jane. "Well, I don't know but that's as good as any oth^. 
But I must study my part. «« The go(k give us joy." 

Exitt 1 E. L. 

Eph. Thy maidens skip like young kids. 

Lady Am. Then do thou go skip with them. 

Eph. Mary, thou should' st be obeyed in thine own housCt 
and I will do thy bidding. 

Lady Am. Ah, thou hypocrite ! to obey is easy when the 
heart commands. 

Enter Roteb, r. h., 1 e. pushing by Ephraim. 

Rov. O, my charming cousin, how agree you said Rosalind ? 
Are you almost perfect ? «• Eh, what, all a-mort, old Clytus ? " 
«* Why, you're like an angry fiend broke in among the laugh- 
ing gods." — Come, come, I'll have nothing here but ** quips, 
and cranks, and wreathed smiles, such as dwell on Hebe's 
cheek." (^Looking at Lady Amaranth.) 

Lady Am. He says we musn't have this amusement. 

Rov. " But I'm a voice potential, double as the duke's, and 
I say, we must." 

5 



so- •WILD OATS. 

Eph. Nay. 

Bov. Yea ; «< By Jupiter, I swear, ay." 

(^Music without, R. H.) 
Eph, I must shut my ears. The man of sin rubbeth the 
hair of the horse to the bowels of the eat. 

Enter Lamp, with a Violin and Music Paper, n. h., 1 e. 

Lamp. Now, if agreeable to your ladyship, we'll go over 
your song. 

Eph. I will go over it. (^Snatches the music paper from Lady 
Amaranth, throws it on the ground, and steps on it.') 
Ephraim, Lamp, Rover, Lady Amaranth. 

Rov. Trample on Shakspeare ! •« You sacrilegious thief, 
that from a shelf the precious diadem stole, and put it in thy 
pocket ! " (^Takes up the paper and presents it agai7i to Lady 
Amaranth.) — Silence, «« thou owl of Crete," and hear the 
«• Cuckoo's song." 

Lady Am. To practise it I'm content. {Lamp begins to play. 
E2)h. jostles him, and puts Mm out of ticne.) 

Lamp. Why, what's that for, my dear sir ? 

Eph. Friend, this is a land of freedom, and I've as much 
right to move my elbow as thou hast to move thine. {Lamp 
begins the tune again, and just as Ephraim is going to jostle him. 
Rover, who has crossed behind to R. of Lamp pushes him aside 
to K. H.) "Why dost thou so, friend ? 

Rov. Friend, this is a land of freedom, and I have as much 
right to move my elbow as thou hast to move thine. {Mim- 
icking. Shoves Eph. out, R. H., 1 E.) Verily, I could smite that 
Amalekite *« till the going down of the sun." 

Lady Am. But, Harry, do your people of fashion act these 
follies themselves ? 

Rov. Ay, and scramble for the top parts as eager as for star, 
ribbon, place, or pension ; and no wonder, for a good part in a 
play is the first good character some of thorn ever had. Lamp, 
decorate the seats out smart and theatrical, and drill the ser- 
vants that I've given the small parts to. 

Exit Lamp, R. H., 1 E. 
Lady Am. I wished for some entertainment in which gay 



WILD OATS. 51 

people now take delight, to please those I have invited ! but 
we'll convert these follies into a charitable purpose. Tickets 
for this day shall be delivered unto my friends gratis ; but 
money to their amount, I will from my o^vn purse, after re- 
warding our assistants, distribute amongst the indigent of the 
village. Thus, whilst we please ourselves, and perhaps amuse 
our friends, we shall make the poor happy. Exit, r. h., 1 e. 

, Bov. An angel ! If Sir George doesn't soon arrive to blow 
me, I may, I think, marry her angelic ladyship. But will that 
be honest ? She's nobly born, though I suspect I had ancestors 
too if I knew who they were. I certainly entered this house 
the poorest wight in England ; and what must she imagine 
when I am discovered ? That I am a scoundrel ; and, conse- 
quently, though I should possess her hand and fortune, instead 
of loving she'll despise me. {Sits down.) I want a friend now, 
to consult — deceive her I will not. Poor Dick Buskin wants 
money more than myself, yet this is a measure I'm sure he'd 
scorn. No, no, I must not. 

Enter Hakry, l. h., 1 e. 

Har. Now I hope my passionate father will be convinced 
that this is the first time I was ever under this roof. Eh, what 
beau is here ? Astonishing ! my old strolling friend ! 

( Unperceived hy Rover.') 

Rov. {Seated, R. c.) Heigh-ho ! I don't know what to do. 

Har. (c, in the same tone.) " Nor what to say." 

Rov. ( Turns.) Dick Buskin ! {Rises.) My dear fellow ! 
Ha, ha, ha ! Talk of the devil, and — I was just thinking of ' 
you — 'pon my soul, Dick, I'm so happy to see you. 

{Shakes hands cordiaUy*') '• 

Har. But, Jack, eh, how came you to find me out ? r^-'i 

Rov. Found you ! I'm sure I wonder how the deuse you 
found me out. Ah, the news of my intended play has brought 
you. 

Har. He doesn't know as yet who I am, so I'll carry it on. 
{Aside.) — Then you, too, have broke your engagement with 



Truncheon at Winchester ; figuring it away in jonr stage 
clothes, too. Really, tell us what you are at here, Jack ? 

JRov. Will you be quiet with your Jacking? I'm. now 
'Squire Harry. 

Matt. What > 

Bov. I've been pressed into this service by an old man of 
war, who found me at the inn, and, insisting I'm son to a Sir 
George Thunder here, in that character^ I flatter myself I 
have won the heart of the charming lady of this house. 

Har. Now the mystery's out. Then it's my friend Jack 
has been brought here for me. {Aside.) — Do you know the 
young gentleman they take you for ? 

Rov. No ; but I flatter myself he is honored in his repre- 
sentative. 

Har. Upon my soul, Jack, you're a very high fellow. 

Bov. I am, now I can put some pounds in your pockets ; 
you shall be employed — we're getting up — *' As You Like It." 
' — Let's see, in the cast, have I a part for you ? Egad, I'll take 
Touchstone from Lamp ; you shall have it, my boy ; I'd resign 
Orlando to you with any other Rosaiiiid ; but the lady of the 
mansion plays it herself, you rogue. 

Han. The very lady my father intended for me. (Aside.) — 
Do you love her. Jack ? 

Bov. To distraction ; but I'll not have her. 

Ear. No! Why? 

Bov. She thinks me a gentleman, and I'll not convince her 
I'm a rascal. 

Har. The generous fellow I ever thought him, and he shan't 
lose by it. If I could make him believe — (Aside.) Well, 
this is the most whimsical afi'air ! You've anticipated, super- 
seded me ; ha, ha, ha ! You'll scarce believe that I'm come 
here too, purposely though, to pass myself for this young 
Henry. 

Bov. No ! 

Har. I am. 

Sir Geo. ( Withouty L. H.) Harry, where are you ? 

Rov. Eh! Who's that? 



WILD OATS. fiS 

Ear, Ah, at, ah ! I'll try it ; my father -will be otirsadly 
vexed ; but no other way. (Aside.) 

Bov. Somebody called Harry — Zounds ! •* if the real Si- 
mon Pure " should be arrived, I'm in a fine way ! 

Mao: Be quiet — that's my confederate. 

Rov. Eh ? 

Bar. He's to parsonate the father, Sir George. He started 
the scheme, having heard that a union was intended, and Sir 
George not immediately expected — our plan is, if I can, be- 
fore his arrival, flourish myself into the lady's good graces, aad 
whip her up, as she's an heiress. 

Rov. Who is this comrade r 

Har. Oae of our i»mpaay, ft ^deivilish good actor in tla-e old 
men. 

Rov. So, you're turned fortune hunter ? O, ho I then, 
'twas on this plan that you parted with m& on the road, stand- 
ing like a finger-post, " you walk up that way, and I must 
walk down this." (Mimics.) Why, Dick, I didn't kaow jou 
were half so capital a rogue. 

Har. I didn't know my forte lay that way, till persuaded 
by this experienced stager. 

Rov. He must be an impudent old scoundrel j who is he? 
J)o I know him ? 

Mar. Why, no — I hope not. (Aside.^ 

Ron. m^tep down stairs and hav« the honor of — I'E klok 
iiim. 

Mar, Stop ! — No, I wouldn't have him hurt neither. 

Rov. What's his name ? 

Mar, His name is — is — Abrawang. 

Rov, Abrawang ! Abrawang 1 I never heard of him ; 
but, Dick, why would you let hina. persuade you to such a 
scandalous affair? 

Har. Why, faith, I would have been off it ; but wh«i once 
he takes a project into his head, the devil himself eau't drive 
him out of it. 

Rov , Yes, but the constable may drive him into Winchester 
Jail. 

Mar. Eh ! Your opinion of our intended exploit has nutde 
5* 



Bm wild oats. 

me ashamed of myself — ha, ha, ha ! Harkye, Jack ; to frighten 
and punish my adviser, do you still keep on your character of 
young 'Squire Thunder — you can easily do that, as he no more 
than myself has ever seen the young gentleman. 

Rov. But, by heavens, I'll — " Quoit him down, Bardolph." 

Har. Yes, but. Jack, if you can marry her, her fortune is a 
snug thing ; besides, if you love each other, — I tell you — 

Rov. Hang her fortune ! «« My love, more noble than the 
•world, prizes not quantity of dirty lands." O Dick, she's the 
most lovely — she is female beauty in its genuine decoration — 
but you shall see her. I'll go on with our play, as the produce 
is appropriated to a good purpose, and then lay down my 
'squireship, bid adieu to my heavenly Rosalind, and exit for- 
ever from her house, poor Jack Rover. Exit, r. h., 1 e. 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! this is the drollest — Rover little suspects 
that I'm the identical 'Squire Thunder that he personates. I'll 
lend him my character a little longer. — Yes, this offers a most 
excellent opportunity of making my poor friend's fortune, 
without injuring any body ; if possible, he shall have her. I 
can't regret the loss of charms I never knew, and, as for an es- 
tate, my father's is competent to all my wishes. Lady Ama- 
ranth, by marrying Jack Rover, will gain a man of honor, 
which she might miss in an earl — it may tease my father a 
little at first, but he's a good old fellow in the main, and I 
think, when he comes to know my motive — Eh ! this must be 
she — an elegant woman, faith ! Now for a spanking lie to 
continue her in the belief that Jack is the man she thinks him, 

Etiter Lady Amaranth, r. h., 1 e. 

Lady Am. Who art thou, friend ? 

Har. Madam, I've scarce time to warn you against the dan- 
ger you are in of being imposed upon by your uncle, Sir 
George. 

Lady Am. How ? 

Har. He has heard of your ladyship's partiality for his son ; 
but is so incensed at the irregularity of his conduct, he intends, 
if possible, to disinherit him ; and, to prevent your honoring 
him with your hand, had engaged, and brought me hither, to 



WILD OATS. 55 

pass me on you for Mm, designing to treat the poor young gen- 
tleman himself as an impostor, in hopes you'll banish him your 
heart and house. 

Lady Am. Is Sir George such a parent ? I thank thee for 
thy caution ! — "What is thy name ? 

Har. Richard Buskin, ma'am ; the stage is my profession. 
In the young squire's late excursion, we contracted an intima- 
cy, and I saw so many good qualities in him, that I could not 
think of being the instrument of his ruin, nor deprive your 
ladyship of so good a husband, as I'm certain he'll make. 

Lady Am. Then Sir George intends to disown him ? 

Har. Yes, ma'am ; I've this moment told the young gentle- 
man of it ; and he's determined, for a jest, to return the com- 
pHment, by seeming to treat Sir George himself as an impostor. 

Lady Am. Ha, ha, ha ! 'twill be a just retaliation, and, 
indeed, what my uncle deserveth for his cruel intentions both 
to his son and me. 

Sir Geo. {^Without, L. h.) What, has he run away again ? 

Lady Am. That's mine uncle. 

Har. Yes, here is my father ; and my standing out that I 
am not his son, will rouse him into the heat of battle — ha, 
ha, ha ! (^Aside.^ — Here he is, madam ; now mind how he will 
dub me 'squire. 

Lady Am. It's well I'm prepared, or I might have believed 
him. (JIarry retires to l. h.) 

Enter Sir George, l. h., 1 e. 

Sir Geo. "Well, my lady, wasn't it my wild rogue set you to 
all the Calcavella capers you've been cutting in the garden ? 
You see here I have brought him into the line of battle again 
— you villain, why do you drop astern there ? (^Crosses to cen- 
tra..) — Throw a salute shot, buss her bob-stays, bring to, and 
come down straight as a mast, you dog. 

Lady Am. Uncle, who is this ? 

Sir Geo. Who is he ? Ha, ha, ha ! Gad, that's an odd 
question to the fellow that has been cracking your walnuts. 

Lady Am. He is bad at his lesson. 

Sir Geo. Certainly, when he ran from school — why don't 
yen speak, you lubber ? you're cursed modest now, but before I 



^6 



WILD OATS. 



came, 'twas all down amongst the posies. Here, my lady, take 
fir(»n a father's hand Harry Thunder. {^Presents Harry.) 
Lady Am. That is what I may not. ( Crosses to R. h.) 
Sir Geo. There, I thought you'd disgust her, you flat fish. 

^nter Hover, r. h., 1 e. 

Lady Am. {Taking Rover's hand.) Here, take from my 
liand Harry Thunder. 

Sir Geo. Eh ! {^Staring at Rover.) 

Rov. Eh ! O ! This is your sham Sir George ? (Apart.) 

Har. Yes ; I've been telling the lady, and she'll seem to 
humor him. 

Rov. I shan't though. ( To Harry.) — How do you do, Abra- 
wang ? ( Crosses to Sir George. Lady Am. and Har. cojiverse apart.) 

Sir Geo. Abrawang ! 

Rov. You look like a good actor. — Ay, that's very well, 
indeed — never lose sight of your character — you know Sir 
George is a noisy, turbulent, wicked old seaman. — Angry ! 
bravo ! — pout your under lip, purse your brows — very well ! 
But dem it, Abrawang, you should have put a little red upon 
your nose — mind a rule, ever play an angry old man with a 
red nose. 

Sir Geo. Nose ! ( Walks about in a passion.) 

Rov. Very well ! that's right ! strut about on your comedy 
pegs. 

Sir Geo. I'm in such a fury. 

Rov. We know that. Your figure is the most happy com- 
edy squab I ever saw ; why, only show j'ourself, and you set 
the audience in a roar. 

Sir Geo. S'blood and fire ! 

Rov. " Keep it up ; I Hke fun." 

Lady Am. Who is this ? (To Sir George, pointing at Rover*) 

Sir Geo. Some puppy unknown. 

Lady Am. And you don't know this gentleman ? 

( To Rover ; points to Sir George.) 

Rov. ♦* Excellent well ! He's a fishmonger." 

Sir Geo. A what ? 

Lady Am. Yes, father and son are determined not to know 
eadi other. 



WILD OATS- f^ 

Rav* Come, Dick, give the lady a speoimea of your talent. 

Lady Am. {To Rover.) Do you know this youth ? 

Rov. ( To Harry.) " My friend, Horatio ** — *' I wear Jiim 
ifi my heart's core, yea, in my heart of hearts," as I do thee, 

(^Embracing Lady Am.") 

Sir Geo. Such freedom witli my niece before my face I Do 
you know that lady ? do you know my son, sir ? 

Bov. Be quiet- " JaiEer has discovered the plot, and you 
can't deceive the Senate." 

Har. (L. H.) Yes, my conscience wouldn't let me carry it 
through. 

Mov, ** Ay, his ccaifieience, hanging about the neck of liis 
heart, says, good Launcelot, and good Gobbo, as aforesaid^ good 
Launcelot Gobbo, take to thy heels and run." 

Sir Geo. Why, ray lady ! explain, scoundrel, and puppy 
unknown. QRover and Harry converse apart.) 

Lady Am. Uncle, I've heard thy father was kind to thee ; 
— return that kindness to thy child. If the lamb in wanton 
play doth fall among the waters, the shepherd doth take him 
out, instead of plunging him deeper till he dieth. Though 
thy hairs be now gray, I'm told they were once flaxen ; in. 
fihort, he is too old in folly who cannot excuse it in youth. 

ExU R. H., 1 s. 

Sir Geo. I'm an old fool \ Well, that's damned civil of 
you, madam niece, and I'm a gray sh^herd — with her visions 
And her vines, and her lambs in a ditch ; but as, for you, young 
Mr. Goat, I'll butt you — 

Rov. My dear Abrawang, give up the game — her ladyship, 
in seeming to take you for her uncle, has been only humming 
you ! What the devil, don't you think the fine or^ture kso^f^ 
her own true-born uncle ? 

Sir Geo. Certainly ; to be sure she knows me. 

Rov. Will you have done ? Zounds, man, my honored father 
^as here himself to-day — Her ladyship knows his person. 

Sir Geo. Your honored father ! And who's your honored 
self? 

Rov. " Now by my father's son, and that's myself, it shrtH. 
be sun, moon, or a Cheshire cheese — before I budge — still 
crossed and crossed." (Crosses to R. h.) 



5S WILD OATS. 

Sir Geo. What do you bawl out to me of a Cheshire cheese, 
I say — 

Rov. *' And I say, as the saying is " — your friend, Dick, 
has told me all ; but to convince you of my forgiveness, in our 
play, as you're a rough and tough, I'll cast you Charles the 
Wrestler, I do Orlando ; I'll kick up your heels before the 
whole court. 

Sir Geo. Why, damme, I'll — And you, you undutiful chick 
of an old pelican — {^Lifting up his cane to strike Harry.) 

Enter John Dory, l. h., 1 e., who receives the blow. 

John. What are you at here ? cudgelling the people about ? 
But Mr. Buckskin, I've a word to say to you ia private. 
Sir Geo. Buckskin ! take that. {Beats him.) 

Enter Lamp, Trap, Jane, Male and Female Servants, and 
Sim, 1 e., R. h., each with a Book or Part, studying. 

Lamp. " All the world's a stage, and all the men and 
women " — 

Sir Geo. The men are rogues, and the women hussies — 
I'll make a clear stage. {They cross over to l. h. When in 
centre, Sir George strikes them with his cane — they all scream 
and run about in confusion, and Exeunt R. and L. h., different 
entrances ; amongst the rest, strikes Rover, and Exit L. H.) 

Bov. «< A blow ! Essex, a blow ! " An old rascally im- 
postor stigmatizing me with a blow ! — no, I must not put up 
with it. Zounds ! I shall be tweaked by the nose all round 
the country — I'll follow him. *« Strike me ! so may his arm 
dash him to the earth, Uke a dead dog despised — blindness and 
leprosy, lameness and lunacy, pride, shame, and the name of 
villain light on me if I don't" bang — Mr. Abrawang. 

Exit, L. H., 1 E. 

Scene II. — A Kitchen in Banks's Cottage, tcith various kitchen 
articles painted on jlat. 

Enter Farmer Gammon, Banks, and Sim, r. h., 2 e., Sim with 
book and pen, writing and crying. 

F. Gam. Boy, go on with the inventory. 



WILD OATS. 69 

Sim. How unlucky ! — Feyther to lay hold of me when 1 
wanted to practise my part. (^Aside.) 

Banks. This proceeding is very severe, to lay an execution 
on my wretched trifling goods, when I thought — 

F. Gam. Ay, you know you've gone up to the big house 
with your complaint — her ladyship's steward, to be sure, has 
made me give back your cottage and farm ; but your goods I 
seize for my rent. 

Banks. Only leave me a very few necessaries — by the good- 
ness of my neighbors, I may soon redeem what the law has put 
into your hands. 

F. Gam. The affair is now in my lawyer's hands, and plain- 
tiff and defendant chattering about it, is all smoke. 

Sim. Feyther, don't be so cruel to Mr. Banks. 

F. Gam. I'll mark what I may want to keep for myself. 
Stay here, and see that not a pin's worth be removed without 
my knowledge. {Aside to Sim.) Exit, l. h. 

Sim. (l. h.) Mr. Banks, as feyther intends to put up your 
goods at auction, if you could but get a friend to buy the choice 
of them for you again. Sister Jane has got steward to advance 
her a quarter's wages, and when I've gone to sell com for fey- 
ther, besides presents, I've made a market penny now and then. 
Here — it's not much; but every little helps. {Takes out a 
small leather purse and offers it to Batiks.) 

Banks, (r. h.) I thank you, my good-natured boy ; but keep 
your money. 

Sim. Last summer, you saved me from being drowned in 
Black Pool : if you'll not take this, ecod, in there I'll directly 
fling it, and let old Nick save it from being drowned, an' he 
can. {Takes his hand and advances.) 

Banks. My kind lad, then I'll not hurt your feelings by 
opposing your liberality. {Takes it.) 

Sim. He, he, he ! you've now given my heart such a pleas- 
ure as I never felt, nor I'm sure feyther afore me. 

Banks. But, Sim, whatever may be his opinion of worldly 
prudence, still remember he's your parent. Exit, r. h., 2 e. 

Sim. 1 will. " — One elbow chair, one claw table, one little 
Dicky bird in a cage, one flatiron," — I'll be dommed if 1*11 be 
your watch dog to bite the poor, that I wo'nt. Exit, l. h. 



ACT V. 

Scene 1. — A Wood. 
Enter Rover, r. h., in his first dr^ss, greatly agitated, tcith pistols, 

Rov, Wliich way did Mr. Abrawang take ? Bick Buskin, 
I think, has no suspicion of my intentions : — such a choleric 
spark will fight, I dare say. If I fall, or even survive this af- 
fair, I leave the field of love and the fair prize to the young 
gentleman I've personated, for I'm determined to see Lady 
4-maranth no more — O, here comes Abrawang. {Puts up the 

jpisiols.) 

Enter Sir Oeorge, l. h., 1 e. 

Sir Geo. Now, to relieve these foolish sea-gulls — they must 
b.e hovering about this coast. — Ha ! puppy unknown ! — 

Rov. You're the very man I was seeking. You are not 
igporant, Mr. Abrawang — 

Sir Geo. Mr. what ? 

Rov. You will not resign your title — ha, ha, ha ! O, very 
well, I'll indulge you. — Sir George Thunder, you honored me 
with a blow. 

Sir Geo. Did it hurt you ? 

Rov. S' death ! but let me proceed like a gentleman. (Aside.) 
— As it's my pride to reject even favors, no man shall offer me 
an injury. 

Sir Geo. Eh ! 

Rov. In rank we're equal. 

Sir Geo. Are we, faith ? {Smiling.) The English of all this 
is, we're to fight. 

Rov. Sir, you've marked on me an indelible stain, only to 
be washed out by blood. 

Sir Geo. Why, I've only one objection to fighting you. 

Rov. What's that, sir ? 

jS^V G^o. That you're too brave a lad to be killed. 

(60) 



WILD OATS. :^ 

Bov. Buave ! No, sir ? at present I wear the stigma of a 
coward. 

Sir Geo. Zounds ! I like a bit of fighting — haven't had a 
morsel a long time — don't know when I've smelt gunpowder 
— but to bring down a woodcock. 

Jtov. Take yaui ground. 

Sir Geo. Yes, sir ; but are we to thrust with bulrushes, like 
two frogs, or, like squirrels, to pelt each other with nutshells ? 
Por I see no other weapons here. 

Bov. O, yes, sir ; here are weapons. (Presenting pistok.) 

Sir Geo. Well, this is bold work, for a privateer to give bat-« 
tie to a king's ship. 

Bov. Try your charge, sir, and take your ground. 

Sir Geo. I would not wish to sink, burn, or destroy what I 
think was built for good service ; but damme if I dcm't wing 
you, to teach you better manners — so take care of your cop- 
per nose. 

Enter the Three Ruffians, l. h., 1 e., not perceiving Rover, 

1st Ruf. Ay, here's the honest fellow has brought us some 
cash. (^Looking at Sir George.) 

2d Ruf. We're betrayed ; it's the very gentleman that's in 
pursuit of us, and this promise was only a decoy to throw us 
into his power. — The pistol I (^Apari and poii^ing to it. 2d 
Buffian seizes and wrenches the piece from Si^ George.) 

Sir Geo. Ah ! 

2d Buf. You'd have our lives ; now we'll have jmim. 
(^Bover advances quick, and knocks it otU of his hands, a^ drive* 
them off, L. H.) 

SiV Geo. iTftJ^s vp the oiher piece.) My brave lad ! I'U — 

{Going, i^ h.) 

Enter John Dory, r. h., 1 e. 
John. No, you shan't. {Holding Aim.) 
Sir Geo. The rogues will — 

John. Never mind the rogues. {Noise of fighting toithoui ; 
U piece let off.) 

Sir Geo. S'blood ! must I see my preserver perish. 

6 {Struggling.) 



62 WILD OATS. 

John. Well, I know I'm your preserver, and I will perish 
but I'll bring you out of harm's way. {^Still holdiiig him.) 

Sir Geo. Though he'd fight me himself — 

Joh7i. Sure we all know you'd fight the devil. 

Sir Geo. He saved my life. 

John. I'll save your life. (^Whips him up in his arms.) So 
hey ! Haul up, my noble little crabwalk ! Exeunt, R. h. 

Scene II. — Kitchen in Banks's Cottage. 
Enter Amelia, r. h., 2 e. 

Ame. The confusion into which Lady Amaranth's family is 
throwTi by the sudden departure and apprehended danger of 
her young cousin must have prevented her ladyship from giv- 
ing that attention to our affairs that I'm sure w^as her inten- 
tion. If I can but prevail on my brother, too, to accept her 
protection — I can't enjoy the delights of her ladyship's hospi- 
table mansion, and leave him here still subject to the insults of 
his churlish neighbor. — Heavens ! who's this ? {Retires, r. h.) 

Enter Rover, l. h., 1 e., hastily, his hair and dress much disor- 
dered. 

Rov. What a race ! {Panting.) I've at last got from the 
blood-hounds ! (Sits on the table.) Ah, if old Abrawang had 
but followed and backed me, we'd have tickled their catastro- 
phes ; but when they got me alone, three upon one were odds ; 
so, safe's the word. Whose house is this I've dashed into ? — 
Eh ? the friendly cottage of my old gentleman, — are you at 
home? {Calls.) Gadso ! I had a hard struggle for it; yes, 
murder was their intent, so it was well for me that I was born 
without brains ! I'm quite weak, faint ! {Leans on the table.) 
Amc. {Advancing.) Sir, an' t you well ? {With concern.) 
Rov. Madam, I ask pardon, — hem, yes, ma'am, very well, 
I thank you — now exceeding well — got into a fray there, in 
a kind of a hobble with some worthy gentlemen ; only simple, 
honest farmers. I fancy they mistook me for a sheaf of bar- 
ley, for they down with me, and then threshed so heartily, gad, 
their flails flew merrily about my ears ; but I got up, and when 



WILD OATS. 63 

I could no longer fight like a mastiff, why, I — ran like a grey- 
hound. But, dear ma'am, pray excuse me. Egad, this is very 
rude, faith. 

Ame. You seem disturbed. ( With emotion.) Will you take 
any refreshment ? 

Rov. Madam, you're very good. (Sits on the table.) Only 
a little of your currant wine, if you please ; if I don't forget, 
it stands — just — {Points off, u. h., 2 E. ; Amelia brings bottle 
of wine and wine glass) — upon the second shelf on your right 
hand. Madam, I've the honor of drinking your health. 

{Drinks.) 

Ame. I hope you're better, sir. 

Rov. *« A little better, but very weak still." — I had a sam- 
ple of this before, and liked it so much, that, madam, — 
«« "Won't you take another ? " 

Ame. Sir ! {She declines.) 

Rov. Madam, if you'd been fighting, as I have, you'd — 
well, well. {Fills and drinks.) Now I'm as well as any man 
— "In lUyria " — got a few hard knocks though. 

Ame. You'd better repose a little ; you seemed much disor- 
dered coming in. 

Rov. {Places chair, R. H. Amelia sits.) "Why, ma'am, you 
must know, thus it was — 

Enter Twitch, r. h., 1 e. 

Twitch. Come, ma'am, Mr. Gammon says this chair is 
wanted to make up the half dozen above. {Lays hold of Ame' 
lia's chair — she rises terrified.) 

Rov. AVhat ! what's all this ? 

Tioitch. Why, the furniture's seized on execution, and a 
man must do his duty. 

Rov. Then, scoundrel, know that a man's first duty is ci- 
vility and tenderness to a woman. 

Ame. Heavens ! where' s my brother ? This gentleman will 
bring himself into trouble. {Retires.) 

Twitch. Master, d'ye see, I'm representative for his honor 
the high sheriff. 

Rov. Every high sheriff should be a gentleman, and when 



64 "WILD OATS. 

he's represented by a rascal, he's dishonored. Dem it, I might 
as well live about Covent Oar den, and every night get beatmg 
the watch ; for here, among groves and meadows, I'm always 
squabbling ■with constables. (Snatches the cane from Twitch.') 

Twitch. Come, come, I must — {Sits down.) 

Rov. " As you say, sir, last Wednesday, so it was." — Sir, 
your most obedient humble servant — (^Bows respectfully.') Pray, 
ar, may I take the libarty to know, have you ever been aston- 
ished ? (^ With great ceremony.) 

Twitch. What } 

Rov. Because, sir, I intend to astonish you ; my dear fel- 
low, give me your hand. ( Takes Tieitch*s left handy and beats 
with cane on the shoulders aroxmd the stage, R. H.) Now, «ir, 
you are astonished. 

Twitch. Yes ; but see if I don't suit you with an action. 

Rov. " Right, suit the action to the word, the word to the 
action, see if the gentlewoman be not affrighted " — « Michael, 
I'll make thee an example." 

Twitch. Yes, fine example, when goods are seized here by 
the law, and — 

Rov. " Thou worm and maggot of the law ! *' " Hop me 
over every kennel, or you shall hop without my ©ustom." 

Twitch. I don't value your custom. 

Rov. You are astonished; now I'll amaze you. 

Twitch. No, sir, I won't be amazed — but only see if I 
don't — (^Rover holds cane.) 

Rov. Hop ! ( Tzoitch hops over it — each time he does so Rover 
strikes him on the shoulders, Twitch bellowing all the time tiU 
they are off, L. H.) 

Exit Twitch, muUering and bullying, yet frightened, L. H. 

Scene III. — Chamber at Lady Amaranth's — Toilet Table and 
Glass on it — two Chairs, i<. H. — Table and two Chairs en 
R. H. — two lighted Candles on L. h. 

Jane discovered. 

Jane. I believe there's not a soul in the house but myself; 
my lady has sent all the folks round the country to search after 



WILD OATS. 65 

the young squire ; she'll certainly break her heart if any thing 
happens to him ; I don't "wonder, for surely he's a dear, sweet 
gentleman ; the pity of it is, his going spoils all our fine play, 
and I had just got my part quite by heart ; however, I must 
do the room up for Mr. Banks's sister, that my lady has in- 
vited here. {Adjusts the toilet.) 

l^ter Jlp^RAiM Smooth, b. h., 1 e. 

Eph. The man John Dory has carried the man George 
hither in his arms, and has locked him up. Coming into the 
house, they did look to me hke a blue lobster with a shrimp in 
''his claws, O, here is the damsel I love, and alone. 

Jane. They say when folks look in the glass at night, they 
see the black gentleman. (^As she's looking in glass, Ephraim 
goes and peeps over her shoulders ; she screams.') 

Eph. Thou art employed in vanity. 

Jane. Well, who wants you ? 

Eph. It is natural for woman to love man. 

Jane. Yes ; but not such ugly men as you are. Why would 
you come in to frighten me, when you know there's nobody 
here but ourselves. 

Eph. I am glad of that. (^Aside.) — I am the elm and thou 
the honeysuckle ; let thy arms entwine me. 

Jane. O, what a rogue is here ! but yonder comes my lady, 
and I'll show him off to her in his true colors. {Aside.) 

Eph. Clasp me around. 

Jane. Well, I will, if you'll take off your hat, and make 
*5ttie a fine low bow. 

Eph. I cannot bend my knee, nor take off my beaver. 

Jane. Then you're very impudent. Go along. 

£j9&. But to win thy favor. ( Takes off his hat and bows.) 

Jane. Now kneel down to me. 

Eph. I cannot, but one lovely smile may smile me down. 
{She smiles, he kneels.) 

Jane. Well now, read me a speech out of that fine play- 
book. 

Eph. I read a play ! a-bom-i-na-ti-on ! — But, Jane, wilt 
thou kiss me ? 



66 WILD OATS. 

Jaiie. I kiss a man ! — a-bom-i-na-ti-on ! {Mimicking.') 

But you may take my hand — 

Eph. O, 'tis a comfort to the lip of the faithful. {Kisses her 

hand.) 

Enter Lady Amaranth, r. h., 1 e. 

Lady Am. How ! {Taps him ge^itly on the shoulder ; he looks 
up confounded.) Ah, thou sly and deceitful hypocrite ! 

Jane. There, ma'am, is the demiire, holy man that would 
prevent our play. 

Lady Am. And so severely censure others, and puts fetters 
on me, which now I'm determined to break. 

Eph. Yerily, Mary, I was buffeted by Satan in the shape 
of a damsel. 

Lady Am. Begone ! 

Eph. {Crosses to L. H.) My spirit is sad, though my feet 
move so nimble. Exit, very slotcly l. h., 1 e. 

Lady Am. But, O heavens, no tidings of my dearest Hen- 
ry ! Jane, let them renew their search. 

Jane. Here's Madam Amelia ; you see I've got her room 
ready ; but I'll go make brother Sim look for the young squire. 

Exit, L. H., 1 E. 

Enter Amelia, l. h., 1 e. 

Am£. O madam, might I implore your influence with — 
Lady Am. Thou art ill accommodated here ; but I hope thou 
wilt excuse — my mind is a sea of trouble, my peace ship- 
wrecked. — O friend, hadst thou seen my cousin Harry, thou 
too, all who knew him, must be anxious for his safety. How 
unlucky this servant to prevent Sir George from giving him 
that assistance which paternal care, and, indeed, gratitude de- 
manded ; for 'twas filial affection which led him to pursue 
those -wicked men. 

Joh7i. {Without, i^. u.) Heave ahead. 

Enter Sir George and John Dory, l. h., 1 e. 

Sir Geo. Rascal ! whip me up like a pound of tea, dance 
me about like a young bear, make me quit the preserver of my 
life ! yes, puppy unknown will think me a poltroon, and that I 
was afraid to follow and second him. 



WILD OATS. 67 

John. "Well, you may as well turn into your hammock ; for 
out to-night you shall not budge, {iiees Amelia.) — O ! marcy 
of heaven ! isn't it — Eh, master ? Only give one look. 

Ante. {^Seeing Sir George.) My husband ! — {Swoons; Lady 
Amaranth supports her.) 

Sir Geo. 'Tis my Amelia ! 

John. {Stopping Sir George, and looking attentively at Amelia.) 
Keef the foresail ! first, you cracked her heart by sheering off, 
and now you'll overset her by bringing to. 

Lady Am. Hold — soft ! 

Ame. Are you at length returned to me, my Seymour ? 

Lady Am. Seymour ! her mind is disturbed : this is mine 
uncle. Sir George Thunder. 

John. No, no, my lady ; she knows what she's saying very 
well. 

Sir Geo. Niece, I have been a villain to this lady, I confess. 
But, my dear Amelia, Providence has done you justice in part. 
From the first month I quitted you, I have never entered one 
happy hour on my journal ; hearing that you had foundered, 
and considering myself the cause, the worm of remorse has 
gnawed my timbers. 

Ame. You're not still offended with me. 

Sir Geo. Me ! can you forgive my offence, and condescend 
to take my hand as an atonement ? 

Ame. Your hand ! Do you forget that we are already mar- 
ried? 

Sir Geo. Ay, there was my rascality. 

John. You may say that. 

Sir Geo. That marriage, my dear — I'm ashamed to own it; 
but it was — 

John. As good as if lashed by the chaplain of the Eagle. 

Sir Geo. Hold your tongue, you impudent crimp, you pan- 
der, you bad adviser — I'll strike my false colors. I'll now ac- 
knowledge the chaplain you provided was — 

John. Was a good man, and a greater honor to his black 
than your honor has been to your blue cloth — Eh, by the word 
of a seaman, here he is himself. 



Wi WILD OATS. 

Enter Banks, r. u., 1 e. 

Sir Geo. Your brother ! 

Banks. Captain Seymour ! have I found you, sir? (^Crosses 
to Sir Geo.) 

Sir Geo. My dear Banks, I'll make every reparation, 
Amelia shall really be my wife. 

Banks. That, sir, my sister is already ; for when I per- 
formed the marriage ceremony, which you took only as the 
cloak of your deception, I was actually in orders. 

John. (Goes to Sir Geo.) Now, who's the crimp, and the 
pander ? I never told you this ; since, because I thought a 
man's own reflections were the best punishment for betraying 
an innocent woman. 

Sir Geo. You shall be a post-captain ; sink me if you shan't. 
— (^Shakes hands with John Dory, tpho retires up the stage with 
Banks.) 

Lady Am. Madam, my inmost soul partaketh of thy glad- 
ness, and joy for thy reformation. ( To Sir George.) But thy 
prior marriage to this lady annuls the subsequent, and my 
cousin Harry is not now thy heir. 

Sir Geo. So much the better ; he's an unnatural cub ; but, 
Amelia, I flatter myself I have an heir, my infant boy. 

Ame. Ah, husband, you had ; but — 

Sir Geo. Gone ! well, well, I see I have been a miserable 
scoundrel — Eh, I will, yes, I'll adopt that brave, kind lad, 
that wouldn't let any body kill me but himself. He shall have 
my estate ; that's my own acquisition. — My lady, marry him ; 
puppy unknown's a fine fellow ! Amelia, only for him you'd 
never have found your husband, Captain Seymour, in Sir 
George Thunder. 

Ame. What ? 

Banks, (r. h.) Are you Sir George Thunder ? 

Enter Ephraim, r. h., 1 e. 

Eph. I am come to sit in judgment, for there is a bad man 
in thy house, Mary. {Calling off, 1 e. l.) Bring him before me. 

Sir Geo. Before you, old squintabus ? Ajid perhaps y«u 
don't know I'm a magistrate ? 

Eph. I'll examine him myself. 



"WILD OATS. 6^. 

Sir Geo, You be damned — I'll examine him myself. 
, Shoves Ephraim.) Tow him in here, I'll give him a passport 
to Winchester bilboes. 

Ame. (^Kneels to Sir George.) O sir, as you hope for mercy, 
extend it to this youth ; but even should he be guilty, wliich, 
from our knowledge of his benevolent and noble nature, I 
think next to an impossibihty, let the services he has rendered 
to us — he protected, relieved your forsaken wife, and her un- 
happy brother, in the hour of want and sorrow. 

Sir Geo. What, Amelia, plead for a robber ! Consider, my 
love, justice is above bias or partiaHty. If my son violated the 
laws of his country ! I'd deliver him up a public victim to 
disgrace and punishment. 

Lady Am. O, my impartial uncle ! Had thy country any 
laws to punish him, who, instead of paltry gold, would rob the 
artless virgin of her dearest treasure, in the rigid judge I should 
now behold the trembling criminal. 

Enter Twitch, with Rover, bound, who keeps his face averted be~ 
hind his hat, and two of the Ruffians, L. H., 1 E. 

Eph. (^Advances.) Speak thou. 

Sir Geo. Hold thy clapper, thou. You wretched person, 
have you no means to come at a little biscuit and lobscouse, but 
you must plunder ? The navy wants men, and if you wanted 
bread, like a man fight the enemies of your country, and not 
turn land pirate, you damned alligator ! Who are the prose- 
cutors ? 

Eph. Call in — 

Sir Geo. Will nobody stop his mouth. (^John Dory carries 
him up the stage, and places him in a chair.) Where are the 
prosecutors ? 

Twitch. TTiere, tell his worship, the justice. 

Ruf A justice — O ! the devil ! I thought we should 
have nothing but Quakers to deal with. {Aside.) 

Sir Geo. Come, how did this fellow rob you ? 

Ruf. Why, your honor, I'll swear — {In a feigned country 
voice.) 

Sir GeOi {Looking at them.) O, ho ! 

Ruf. Zounds ! we're in the wrong — this is the very — 



70 WILD OATS. 

Sir Geo. Clap down the hatches ; secure these sharks. 

John. That I will, and this rope may be wanted. 

Itov. I thought I should find you here, Abrawang, and that 
you had some knowledge of these fellows. 

Lady Am. Heavens ! my cousin Harry ! (^Aside.) 

Sir Geo. The devil ! isn't this my spear and shield ? 

Joh7i. (^Advances.) My young master — O ! what have 
you been at here ? (^Unbinds him.) 

Enter Harry, l. h., 1 e. 

Har. My dear fellow, are you safe ? 

Rov. Yes, Dick, I was brought in here very safe, I assure 
you. 

Har. A confederate in custody below has made a confession 
of their villany, that they concerted this plan to accuse him 
of a robbery, first for revenge, then in hope to share the re- 
ward for apprehending him ; he also owns they are not sailors, 
but depredators on the public. ^ 

Sir Geo. Keep them safe in limbo. {John Dory throws a 
rope over the shoulders of Riiffians, and drags them off, 1 E. L., 
and returns again.') Not knowing that the justice of peace 
whom they've brought the lad now here before, is the very 
man they attacked ! ha, ha, ha ! The rogues have fallen into 
their own snare. 

Rov. What, now, you're a justice of the peace ? — Well 
said, Abrawang ! 

Am. Then, Sir George, you know him too ? 

Sir Geo. Know puppy unknown ! to be sure. 

Rov. Still Sir George ! What, then, you will not resign 
your knighthood ? Madam, I am happy to see you again. ( To 
Amelia.') Ah, how do you do, my kind host ? (^Crosses and 
shakes Jiands with Banks.) 

Lady Am. I rejoice at thy safety. — Be reconciled to him. 
(7b Sir Geo.) 

Sir Geo. Reconciled ! — If I don't love, respect, and honor 
him, I shoiild be unworthy of the life he rescued. But who is he ? 

Har. Sir, he is — 

Rov. Dick, I thank you for your good wishes ; but I am 
still determined not to impose on this lady. — Madam, as I at 



•WILD OATS. 71 

first told this well-meaning tar, -when he forced me to your 
house, I am not the son of Sir George Thunder. 

John. No ! Then I wish you were the son of an admiral, 
and I your father. 

Bar. You refuse the lady ? To punish you I've a mind to 
take her myself. (^Crosses to Lady Am.) My dear cousin — 

Rov. Stop, Dick. If I, who adore her, won't, you shall 
not. No, no ; madam, never mind what this fellow says ; he's 
as poor as myself. Isn't he, Abrawang ? 

Bar. Then, my dear Eover, since you are so obstinately dis- 
interested, I'll no longer tease my father, whom you see here, 
and in your strolling friend his very truant Harry, that ran 
from Portsmouth school, and joined you and yotir fellow co- 
medians. 

Rov. Indeed ! 

Bar. Dear cousin, forgive me, if through my zeal for the 
happiness of my friend, I endeavored to promote yours, by 
giving you a husband more worthy than myself. ( To Lady Am.) 

Rov. Am I to believe ! Madam, is your imcle, Sir George 
Thunder, in this room ? 

Lady Am. He is. (^Looking at Sir George.) 

Rov. 'Tis so ! you are in reality what I've had the impu- 
dence to assume ! and have perplexed your father with my 
ridiculous effrontery. (^Tiirns to John Dory angrily.) I told 
you, I insisted I wasn't the person you took me for, but you 
must bring your damned chariot ! I am ashamed, and morti- 
fied. Madam, I beg to take my leave. 

Eph. (R. H.) Thou art welcome to go. „ 

Rov. {Bows to Sir George.) Sir George, as the father of my 
friend, I cannot lift my hand against you ; but I hope, sir, 
you'll apologize to me. (^Apart.) 

Sir Geo. Ay, with pleasure, my noble splinter — now tell 
me from what dock you were launched, my heart of oak ! 

Rov. I've heard, in England, sir ; but from my earliest 
knowledge, till within a very few years, I've been in the East 
Indies. 

Sir Geo. Beyond seas ? Well, and how ? 

Rov. It seems I was committed an infant to the care of a 



72' WILD OATS* 

lady, -who was herself obliged by the gentle Hyder Ali to 
strike her toilet, and decamp without beat of drum, leaving, 
me, a chubby little fellow, squatted on a carpet. A sergeant's 
wife alone returned, and snatched me off triumphant, through 
fire, smoke, cannon, cries, and carnage. 

Lady Am. Dost thou mark ? ( To Amelia.') 

Ame. Sir, can you recollect the name of the town where — 

Rov. Yes, ma'am, the town was Negapatam. 

Ame. I thank you, sir. (^Gazes with delight and earnestness 
on Rover.) 

Jtov. An officer, who'd much rather act Hotspur on the 
stage than in the field, brought me up behind the scenes at the 
Calcutta theatre. I was rolled on the boards, acted myself 
into the favor of a colonel, promised a pair of colors ; but, im- 
patient to find my parents, hid myself in the steerage of a 
homeward bound ship, assumed the name of Rover from the 
uncertainty of my fate, and having murdered more poets than 
rajahs, stepped on English ground unencumbered with rupees 
or pagodas. Ha, ha ! wouldst thou come home so, little 
Ephraim ? 

Eph. Nay ; I would have brought myself home with some 
money. {Carried off", 1 e., r. h., 6y John Dory, who returns 
again, R. h.) 

Ame. Excuse my curiosity, sir — what was the lady's name 
in whose care you were left ? 

Rov. O ma'am, she was the lady of a Major Linstock ; 
but I heard my mother's name was Seymoiir. 

Sir Geo. Why, Amelia ! 

Ame. My son ! 

Rov, Madam ! 

Ame. It is my Charles ! {Embraces him.) 

Sir Geo. Eh ? 

La^y Am. Thou seest he is my gay, gallant, generous cousin. 

John, (Sings and capers.) Tol, lol, lol — though I never 
heard it before, my heart told, me he was a chip of the old 
block. 

Ame. Your father ! ( To Rover, pointing to Sir George.) 

Rov, Can it be ! — Heaven ! then have I attempted to raise 
Xay impious hand against a parent's life ! 



■WILD OATS. 7 

Sir Geo. My dear, brave boy ! Then bave I a son niOx 
spirit to fight me as a stranger, yet defend me as a father. 

Lady Am. Uncle, you'll recollect 'twas I who first intro- 
duced a son to thee. (^Crosses to Sir Geo.) 

Sir Geo. And I hope you'll next introduce a grandson to 
me, young sly boots. — {Joins their hands.) "Rairy, you've lost 
your fortune. 

Har. Yes, sir, but I've gained a brother ; whose friendship, 
(before I knew him to be such) I prized above the first fortune 
in England. 

Bov. My generous friend — my dearest Rosalind ! 

Ante. Then, will you take our Charles ? (To Lady Am.) 

Lady Am. Yea ; but only on condition thou bestowest thy 
fortune on his friend and brother ; mine is sufS.cient for us, is it 
not? 

JRov. Angelic creature ! — to think of my generous friend 

— But now for " As You Like It." "Where's Lamp and Trap 

— I shall ever love a play — A spark from Shakspeare's muse 
of fire was the star that guided me through my desolate and 
bewildered maze of life, and brought me to these imexpected 
blessings. 

To merit friends so ffood, so sweet a wife^ 
The tender husband be my part for life ; 
My Wild Oats sowny let candid Thespian laws 
Decree that glorious harvest — your applause* 



SITUATIONS, 




(7) 



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.8SXXi'259ldf 



'«J X X A J ,;; i « 




( CcUalogue continued from second page of cover.) 



YOL. XLI. 

rhe Pirate's Legacy 
rhe Charcoal Bufner 
Adelgitha. 
Senor Valiente 



The Guide to the Stage, by Leman Thomas Rede. Con- 
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Price 13 Cents each.— Bound Voltunes $1. 



VOL. I. 
The Irish Attorney 
Boots at the Swau 
How to pay the Rent 
The hoa.n of a Lover 
The Dead Shot 
His Last Legs 
The Invisible Prince 
The Goldeu Parmer 

VOL. IL 
Pride of the Market 
Used Up 
The Irish Tutor 
The Barrack Room 
Luke the Laborer 
Beauty and the Beast 
St. Patricks Eve 
Captain of the V.'atch 

VOL. III. 
The Stcret (pers 

White Horse of the Pep- 
The Jacobite 
The Bottle 
Box and Cox 
Bamboozling 
AVidow's Victim 
Robert Macaire 

VOL, IV. 
Secret Service 
Omnibus 
Irish Lion 
Maid of Croissy 
The Old Guard 
Raising the Wind 
Slasher and Crasher 
Naval Eugagements 

VOL. V. 
Cocknies iu Calif«rnia 
Who Speaks First 
Bombastes Furioso 
Macbeth Travestie 
Irish Ambassad-or 
Delicate Ground 
The Weathercock [Gold 
All that Glitters is Not 

VOL. VI. 
Grimshaw, Bagshaw and 

Bradshaw 
Rough Diamond 
Bloomer Costume 
TwoBonnycastles 
Born to Good Luck 
Kiss iu the Dark [jurer 
'Twould Puzzle a Cou- 
KillorCure 

VOL. VII. 
Box and Cox Married and 
St. Cupid [Settled 

Go-to-bed Tom 
The Lav?rers 
Jack Slieppard 
The Toodles 
The Mobcap 
Ladies Beware 

VOL. viir. 

MorniDgCall 
Popping the Queation 
Deaf as a Post 
New Footman 
Pleasant Neighbor 
Paddy the Piper 
Brian O Lina 
Irish Asiurance 

V<>L. IX. 
Temptation 
Paddy Carey 
Two Gregoriea 
King Charming 
Po cfl-hon-tas 
Clockmaker's Hat 
Married Rake 
Love and Murder 



I VOL. X. I 

73 Ireland and America 

74 Pretty Piece of Business 

75 IrishBrooui maker | 

76 To Paris and Back for 

Five Pounds 

77 That Blesied Baby 
73 Our Gal 

79 Swiss Cottage 

80 Young Widov/ 

VOL. XI. 

81 OFUnnigau and the Fa- 

82 Irish Post [ries 

83 My Neighbor's Wife 

84 Irish Tiger 
8j P . P . , or Man and Tiger 

86 To Oblige Benson 

87 State Secrets 
83 Irish Yankee 

VOL. XII. 

89 A Good Fellow 

90 Cherry and Fair Star 

91 Gale Breeirely 
I 92 Our Jemimy 

' 93 Millers Maid 
91 Awkward Arrival 
9"i Crossing the Line 
96 Conjugal Lesson 
VOL. XTII. 
97My Wife's. VJrror 
93 Life iu New York 
99 .Middy Ashore 

100 Crown Prince 

101 Two Queens 

102 Thumping Legacv 

103 Unfinished Geutlen^an 

104 House Dog 

VOL. XIV. 

105 The Demon Lover 

106 Matrimony 

107 In and Out of Place 
103 I Dine with My Mother 
109ni-a-wa-th.i 

110 Andy Blake 
LULovein'7G [ties 

112 Romance under DiflQcul' 

VOL. XV. 

113 One Coat for :? Suits 

114 A Decided Case 

115 Daughter [nority 

116 No; or, the Glorious Mi- 
ni Coroner's Inquisiiion 
US Love iu Humble Life 

119 Family Jars 

120 Personation 

VOL. XYh. 

121 Children in tljLeTTood 

122 Winning a Husband 

123 Dav after the Fair 

124 Make Your Wills 

125 KeuiI«»vous 
IJtiMy Wifes Husband 

127 Monsieur Tousou 

128 Illustrious Stranger 

VOL. XVII 

129 Mischief Making [Mines 

130 A Live Woman in the 

131 The Corsair 

132 Shylock 

133 Spoiled Child 

134 Evil Eye 

135 Nothing to Nurse 

136 Wanted a Widow 

VOL. XVIIL 

137 Lottery Ticket 
133 Fortune's Frolic 

139 Is he Jealous? 

140 Mai ried Bachelor 

141 Husband at Sight 

142 Irishman in London 

143 Animal Magnoiism 

144 Highways and By- Ways 



VOL. XIX. 
Columbus 

Harlequin Bluebeard 
Ladies at Home 
i'henomeuonius^Smock 

Frock 
Comedy and Tragedy 
Opposite -Neighbors 
Dutchman's Ghost 
I'eiseoutad Duichman 

VOL. XX. 
Musard Ball 
Great Tragic Revival 
High Low Jack is: Game 
A Gentleman from Ire- 
Tora and Jerry | laud 
Village Lawyer 
Ciiptain's not A-miss 
Amateurs and Actors 

VOL. XXI. 
Promotion [ual 

A Fascinating Individ- 
Mrs. Caudle 
Shakspeare's Dream 
Neptune's Defeat 
Lady of Bedchamber 
Take Care of Little 
Irish Widow [Charley 

VOL. XXTI. 
Yankee Peddlar 
Hiram Hireout 
Double- Bedded Room 
The Drama Defended 
Vermont Wool Dealer 
Ebenezer Venture (ter 
Princijiles from Charac- 
Lady of the Lake (Tr*v> 

VOL XXIII. 
Mad Dogs 
Barney the Baron 
Swiss Swains 
Bachelor s Bedroom 
A Roland for an Oliver 
More Blunder* than One 
Dumb Belle 
Limerick Boy 

VOL. XXIV. 
Xature and Philosophy 
Teddy the Tiler 
Spectre Bridgroom 
Matieo Falcone 
Jenny Liud 
Two Buzzards 
Happy Man 
Betsy Baker 

VOL. XXV. 
No. 1 Round the Corner 
Teddy Roe 
Obj. ct of Interest 
My Fellow Clerk 
Bengal Tiger 
Laughing Hyena 
The Victor Vanquished 
Our Wife 

VOL. XXVI. 
My Husband's Mirror 
Yankee Land. 
Norah Creina 
Good for Nothing 
The First Night 
The Eton Boy 
Wandering Minstrel 
Wanted, 1000 Milliners 

VOL. XWII. 
Poor rilcoddy 
The Mummy [Glasses 
Don't Forgetyour Opera 
Love in Livery 
Anthony and Cleopatra 
Trying'lt On. 
Stage Struck Yankee 
Young Wife & Old Urn 

breila 



VOL. XXVIII. 

217 Crinoline 

218 A Family Failing 

219 Adopted Child 

220 Turned Heads 

221 A Match in the Dark 

222 Advice to Husbanda 

223 Siamese Twins 

224 Sent to the Tower 

VOL. XXIX 

225 Somebody Else 

226 Lad.es Battle 
2.7 Art of Acting 

228 The Lady of the Liona 
2-'9 The Rights of Man 

230 My Husband s Ghost 

231 Two Can Play at th; 
Game 

232 Fighting by Proxy 
VOL. XXX. 

233 Unprotected ISemalo 

234 Pet of the Petticoai.. 

235 Forty and Fifty | bot 

236 Who Stole the Pocke 

237 My Son Diana (sic 

238 Unwarrantable I n t r i 
•239 Mr. and Mrs White 
•240 A Quiet Family 

VOL. XXXT. 

241 Cool aa Cucumber 

242 Sudden Thoufehta 
"243 Jumbo Jum 

•244 A Blighted Being 
•245 Little Toddlekins 
•246 A Lover by Proxy [Pa 
•247 Maid with the Milkit 
■248 Perple.yingPredicamei 

VOL. XXXII. 
•249 Dr. rilworth 
■250 Out to Nurse 

251 A Lucky Hit 

252 The Dowager 

253 Metunora (Burustj^e) 

254 Dreams of Pelusioi- 
2.55 The Shaker Lovers 

256 Ticklish Times 

VOL. XX.VJII. 

257 20 Minutes wmiaTigei 

258 Miralda: or the Justi< 

of Tacon 
2.59 A Soldier's Cotirtship 

260 Servants by Legacy 

261 Dying for Love 
26*2 Alarming Sacrifice 
263 Valet de Sham 

2G4 Nicholas Nickleby 
VOL. XXXIV. 

265 The Last of the Pigtail 

266 King Rene's Daughter 

267 The Grotto Nymph 
263 .V Devilish Good Joke' 

269 A Twice Told Tale 

270 Pas de Fascination 

271 Revolutionary Soldier 

272 AManAVithoutaHead 

VOL. XXXV. 

273 The Olio, Part 1 -a 

274 The Olio, Part 2 J 
•275 The Olio, ParfJ [9 

276 Ihe Trumpet*/' sDaui--! 

277 Seeing M'arvn 

278 Green Mrantain B 

279 That No d 
•280TomNjddy'sSecv£, 

VO:,. XXXVI. 
Bhock—g Events 

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